Hello,
my name is Blake. I am searching desperately to find answers to what could be wrong with me. The past couple years I have found it hard to think, I can't remember next to anything be it daily or past. I remember things but not like a normal person should. I've been on testosterone for 4 years now. The past couple I have been deteroating in mental health and physical capabilities. My doctor says it's depression however I'm being treated for depression and I'm telling you from a lifelong person tha was diagnosed at a early age with ADHD and manic depressive with atypical depression that this is NOT depression. I see a physiologist regularly too so don't think I've gone off my rocker lol. I do not suffer from any crazy disorder that makes me want to be sick or makes me manipulate symptoms when I hear of something. I know that whatever is wrong is upstairs somewhere in my head or hormones. I've never been like this until all this started I'm a single Dad and it's extremely hard to enjoy time with my kids. This is literally driving me insane. I want to be normal again. My doctor I have now referred me to my urologist that prescribed the testosterone. It was very low. I forget the exact numbers somewhere in the 200-300 range. However a couple year ago my urologist moved out of state and my regular doctor has been taking care of the TRT since we don't have another good local choice. I know he's been testing my blood but last night I got a phone call from the nurse to inform me my testosterone levels are good. I asked what my estradiol numbers where and she said he didn't run that test. To my understanding from my urologist this is one of the important tests that is supposed to be ran to keep everything in check. I'm starting to wonder if my other levels have been being checked now. My symptoms are as follows:
Low sex drive,
Semi hard erections and when fully hard doesn't last long,
Hair thinning on head this has just been past 6 months very noticeable,
Depression different form then what I am use to if that makes sense,
Very bad long and short term memory,
Cloudy thoughts I have a hard time preforming Normal things I've done all my life. I can't seem to make the connections if you understand what I mean,
Lack of strength, I work out daily with proper rest to try to counter whatever is going on upstairs. I put on almost 40 pounds in two years. I started working out in August and have dropped 30 of what I put on but I am still ridiculously exhausted and find it difficult to push through simple routines
Exhaustion / fatigue
Motor skills are compromised. I can't use my body like I use to I find it hard to do simple task without stopping to think how to move my body part in the direction needed this can be as simple as writing and cutting paper. I turn wrenches for a living and I'm finding it to hard to complete and get frustrated. So much so I am not currently working. Basic muscle memory falls into this category I seem to just fall shy of being able to automatically do what I use to without thought.
Get extremely stressed out over very small things and lose my temper quickly. The anxiety I get at times is just overpowering
Sleep I can't fall asleep and stay asleep like I use to. On average I get 4-6 hours a night despite trying for more
Weight gain of we can count that before I started back working out but still have excessive weight in my lower belly and larger breasts muscle underneath but plenty of fat.
Height... I have no idea if this is possible but when I was 18 I was 6'2" height taken at doctors office then at DMV to get my license. My height was taken not long ago and they said I was 6'1". I had skullios as a child it was bad. I'm not sure if that's how you spell it either. I had to have electro therapy in my back to stimulate the muscles, chiropractor visits to help correct the spine and I had to wear heal raisers for years to correct. So that may have something to do with that not any of this. I don't know.
Extreme social anxiety
Difficulty speaking this is extremely bad. I get so frustrated trying to talk, I start a sentence and start stuttering or lose track of my thoughts and can't finish it this plays part of my cloudy head
Hair growth on my back, shoulders, arms never had a lot of back or shoulder hair and my arm hair was always light now I am getting hair everywhere. Maybe this comes with getting older I don't know but it's only started the past year or two
Run out of breath quickly
This is just some of the nightmare I've been living the past few years. It's unbearable. I've made a list and taken to my doctor but he keeps saying it's all symptoms of depression. I'm telling ya'll this isn't depression. This is worse than depression. I can deal with depression all day long over this. At the moment I am on medicade making things extremely hard. I've tried to find a new doctor but my doctor is well known in the small town I am in and this town is horrible for drug addicts. Every doctor I've tried to explain won't take on a new medicade patient just to transfer because I don't like a opinion. I know all to well about being a addict I use to be one. I was med abuser. I got clean in June 2012. I did it in my own with no help. Quit cold turkey. My current doctor even told me I was extremely lucky I didn't die from the way I did it. He knows about the exact amounts and what I would use. This life of being clean though isn't what I bargained for. I got clean just to get messed up somewhere in the health. I need my health and head to be the best dad I can be. I start a new job next week and I am petrified that I won't be able to do what I need to do because of whatever is wrong. I'm telling ya'll all this to give you a back story maybe it will help in any ideas of what I can have checked out to get me back right again. The way my body feels screams something is wrong with my brain be it a part of it or my hormones etc upstairs. I've had a standard MRI done with no results out of the normal. This was done two months ago. Basic blood work shows no infections etc. I'm 6'1" or 6'2" whichever I'm not 100% sure anymore. I just turned 33 January 10th. Last I weighed a week ago I was 204. I've got a solid build outside of the extra fat. I smoke about a quarter to a half pack a day of ultra light cigerrets. I have touched any form of narcotics since June of 2012. I drank heavily during the 2015 year half way into the 2016 year it seemed to make me feel half better so I used it to half ass mask the issues. Stopped drinking in July last year. Have a glass of wine or a shot once every couple months during the rare get together with good friends past that no other alcohol use. I am on Adderall 30 mg x2 day to counter my ADHD. Listenpranol /hctz once daily for blood pressure. My shrink let me try lithium for a couple months to see if it would help after trying multiple other depression meds with little improvement so after 3 months we stopped it. Levels where checked regularly and left on the low side during use. I can't stress enough whatever this is isn't depression. My shrink feels the same way. I don't know what else I can give you information wise or if a real human will even get this or if it's just a autoanswear E-mail. However if you do get this and if you have anything else you need to know please ask the questions I'm a open book. If you have any idea of any hormones that can wreck havoc on a person or have heard of anyone in my situation with the same symptoms please please please let me know. Living like this is a total nightmare. I want to get out and enjoy life again, so anything I can take to my doctor to maybe get something done is worth the time it took to write this. Any ideas, anything at all.
Also my dose is 1.5 ml depo once every two weeks. Injection.
Thank you for your time
Blake
my name is Blake. I am searching desperately to find answers to what could be wrong with me. The past couple years I have found it hard to think, I can't remember next to anything be it daily or past. I remember things but not like a normal person should. I've been on testosterone for 4 years now. The past couple I have been deteroating in mental health and physical capabilities. My doctor says it's depression however I'm being treated for depression and I'm telling you from a lifelong person tha was diagnosed at a early age with ADHD and manic depressive with atypical depression that this is NOT depression. I see a physiologist regularly too so don't think I've gone off my rocker lol. I do not suffer from any crazy disorder that makes me want to be sick or makes me manipulate symptoms when I hear of something. I know that whatever is wrong is upstairs somewhere in my head or hormones. I've never been like this until all this started I'm a single Dad and it's extremely hard to enjoy time with my kids. This is literally driving me insane. I want to be normal again. My doctor I have now referred me to my urologist that prescribed the testosterone. It was very low. I forget the exact numbers somewhere in the 200-300 range. However a couple year ago my urologist moved out of state and my regular doctor has been taking care of the TRT since we don't have another good local choice. I know he's been testing my blood but last night I got a phone call from the nurse to inform me my testosterone levels are good. I asked what my estradiol numbers where and she said he didn't run that test. To my understanding from my urologist this is one of the important tests that is supposed to be ran to keep everything in check. I'm starting to wonder if my other levels have been being checked now. My symptoms are as follows:
Low sex drive,
Semi hard erections and when fully hard doesn't last long,
Hair thinning on head this has just been past 6 months very noticeable,
Depression different form then what I am use to if that makes sense,
Very bad long and short term memory,
Cloudy thoughts I have a hard time preforming Normal things I've done all my life. I can't seem to make the connections if you understand what I mean,
Lack of strength, I work out daily with proper rest to try to counter whatever is going on upstairs. I put on almost 40 pounds in two years. I started working out in August and have dropped 30 of what I put on but I am still ridiculously exhausted and find it difficult to push through simple routines
Exhaustion / fatigue
Motor skills are compromised. I can't use my body like I use to I find it hard to do simple task without stopping to think how to move my body part in the direction needed this can be as simple as writing and cutting paper. I turn wrenches for a living and I'm finding it to hard to complete and get frustrated. So much so I am not currently working. Basic muscle memory falls into this category I seem to just fall shy of being able to automatically do what I use to without thought.
Get extremely stressed out over very small things and lose my temper quickly. The anxiety I get at times is just overpowering
Sleep I can't fall asleep and stay asleep like I use to. On average I get 4-6 hours a night despite trying for more
Weight gain of we can count that before I started back working out but still have excessive weight in my lower belly and larger breasts muscle underneath but plenty of fat.
Height... I have no idea if this is possible but when I was 18 I was 6'2" height taken at doctors office then at DMV to get my license. My height was taken not long ago and they said I was 6'1". I had skullios as a child it was bad. I'm not sure if that's how you spell it either. I had to have electro therapy in my back to stimulate the muscles, chiropractor visits to help correct the spine and I had to wear heal raisers for years to correct. So that may have something to do with that not any of this. I don't know.
Extreme social anxiety
Difficulty speaking this is extremely bad. I get so frustrated trying to talk, I start a sentence and start stuttering or lose track of my thoughts and can't finish it this plays part of my cloudy head
Hair growth on my back, shoulders, arms never had a lot of back or shoulder hair and my arm hair was always light now I am getting hair everywhere. Maybe this comes with getting older I don't know but it's only started the past year or two
Run out of breath quickly
This is just some of the nightmare I've been living the past few years. It's unbearable. I've made a list and taken to my doctor but he keeps saying it's all symptoms of depression. I'm telling ya'll this isn't depression. This is worse than depression. I can deal with depression all day long over this. At the moment I am on medicade making things extremely hard. I've tried to find a new doctor but my doctor is well known in the small town I am in and this town is horrible for drug addicts. Every doctor I've tried to explain won't take on a new medicade patient just to transfer because I don't like a opinion. I know all to well about being a addict I use to be one. I was med abuser. I got clean in June 2012. I did it in my own with no help. Quit cold turkey. My current doctor even told me I was extremely lucky I didn't die from the way I did it. He knows about the exact amounts and what I would use. This life of being clean though isn't what I bargained for. I got clean just to get messed up somewhere in the health. I need my health and head to be the best dad I can be. I start a new job next week and I am petrified that I won't be able to do what I need to do because of whatever is wrong. I'm telling ya'll all this to give you a back story maybe it will help in any ideas of what I can have checked out to get me back right again. The way my body feels screams something is wrong with my brain be it a part of it or my hormones etc upstairs. I've had a standard MRI done with no results out of the normal. This was done two months ago. Basic blood work shows no infections etc. I'm 6'1" or 6'2" whichever I'm not 100% sure anymore. I just turned 33 January 10th. Last I weighed a week ago I was 204. I've got a solid build outside of the extra fat. I smoke about a quarter to a half pack a day of ultra light cigerrets. I have touched any form of narcotics since June of 2012. I drank heavily during the 2015 year half way into the 2016 year it seemed to make me feel half better so I used it to half ass mask the issues. Stopped drinking in July last year. Have a glass of wine or a shot once every couple months during the rare get together with good friends past that no other alcohol use. I am on Adderall 30 mg x2 day to counter my ADHD. Listenpranol /hctz once daily for blood pressure. My shrink let me try lithium for a couple months to see if it would help after trying multiple other depression meds with little improvement so after 3 months we stopped it. Levels where checked regularly and left on the low side during use. I can't stress enough whatever this is isn't depression. My shrink feels the same way. I don't know what else I can give you information wise or if a real human will even get this or if it's just a autoanswear E-mail. However if you do get this and if you have anything else you need to know please ask the questions I'm a open book. If you have any idea of any hormones that can wreck havoc on a person or have heard of anyone in my situation with the same symptoms please please please let me know. Living like this is a total nightmare. I want to get out and enjoy life again, so anything I can take to my doctor to maybe get something done is worth the time it took to write this. Any ideas, anything at all.
Also my dose is 1.5 ml depo once every two weeks. Injection.
Thank you for your time
Blake
