Is Marriage for Me? Seeking input from guys.

[audiogeek247]

Hey guys thanks for looking at my post. I have a fiance and shes amazing and wonderful and I love her to death the problem is I am dreading marriage life and feel like my life is over. I don't sleep with her that well. She falls asleep very easily unlike myself and I dread once having kids sleepless nights. I also feel like whats the point why keep exercising why eat healthy I'm found my girl, I have nothing else to live for in a sense. I've had amazing crazy sex with gorgeous women, but we all know those aren't the girls you settle down with. I know I need to stay on point but feel helpless. How did you guys keep in shape after marriage? Despite being 33 I look at younger girls and am repulsed by them. They might have hot bodies but grossly that's all I'd want them for. Almost none are even contemplating the meaning of life or how to serve your community or growing a successful business etc.

 

[JA Battle]

Hey guys thanks for looking at my post. I have a fiance and shes amazing and wonderful and I love her to death the problem is I am dreading marriage life and feel like my life is over. I don't sleep with her that well. She falls asleep very easily unlike myself and I dread once having kids sleepless nights. I also feel like whats the point why keep exercising why eat healthy I'm found my girl, I have nothing else to live for in a sense. I've had amazing crazy sex with gorgeous women, but we all know those aren't the girls you settle down with. I know I need to stay on point but feel helpless. How did you guys keep in shape after marriage? Despite being 33 I look at younger girls and am repulsed by them. They might have hot bodies but grossly that's all I'd want them for. Almost none are even contemplating the meaning of life or how to serve your community or growing a successful business etc.

married and divorced here. 5 kids. ran my health into the ground with someone i was not compatible with. sounds to me like marriage should not even be in the picture with your current state of mind. it does not get easier. unexpected challenges will arise.

not certain you want to stay on top of your own health?? your health becomes more important as now you have to provide for and oversee the health of others.

has she brought up marriage in discussion?

sleep issue can be the result of a health/metabolic issue.

i dont want to discourage you more but marriage carries so much weight and so much consequence either good or bad. i may be biased because i went through my divorce 1.5 years ago and even though it was pretty cordial it was still the most stressful time of my life.

marriage doesnt give a man much unless you absolutely have to get married to have female company in your life. i know its more complicated than that because of feelings... trust me i know. but boiled down thats what it is. to me atleast.

 

[Fernando Almaguer]

Hey guys thanks for looking at my post. I have a fiance and shes amazing and wonderful and I love her to death the problem is I am dreading marriage life and feel like my life is over. I don't sleep with her that well. She falls asleep very easily unlike myself and I dread once having kids sleepless nights. I also feel like whats the point why keep exercising why eat healthy I'm found my girl, I have nothing else to live for in a sense. I've had amazing crazy sex with gorgeous women, but we all know those aren't the girls you settle down with. I know I need to stay on point but feel helpless. How did you guys keep in shape after marriage? Despite being 33 I look at younger girls and am repulsed by them. They might have hot bodies but grossly that's all I'd want them for. Almost none are even contemplating the meaning of life or how to serve your community or growing a successful business etc.

Tell her ill take care of me for you and you take care of you for me. Keep the lifestyle up, too many guys get complacent once in a steady relationship. Next thing you know your leaving her or she's leaving you.

 

[Renman23]

The key is to know yourself and what you REALLY WANT.
Do you want to have sex with multiple willing partners ? Do you want no committments?

Stay single.

Do you want a relationship? A Family? a home? Children.... Some or all of that?
Then Choose that. Marriage is nothing to be scared of.

I was married for a long time, and most of it was really good.
If you want to stay healthy and be the hot dad... Do that.
Do you want to let go and get a pouch... do that

Be clear. Be intentional and LIVE.

 

[Vince]

I got married at 21, and had an awesome wife. We had sex daily, pretty much for 30 years straight. 5 kids(I would have had12 if she let me), a house, the mortgage and I really enjoyed my life. She died from cancer about 13 years ago. I'm remarried now, to awesome woman. I can't believe what a great lover she is. She's 62 and I'm 65, I'm so in love.

 

[mooseman109]

I ma 57, been married since 23. No kids, we never wanted them. Been through ups and downs, but together. I can say I do not want to imagine life without her, she completes me. If you can see yourself living without this one maybe you are not ready.
i stay in shape for me not so much her. I am sure you are not just working out to be attractive. That will change as you age as well.
i can say we continually have better and better sex.

 

[JA Battle]

thank you guys for the mature perspective.

 

[Sanqrol]

very common problem among all the men

 

[Mountain Man]

Sorry for my bluntness, but you don’t seem ready, at least not with the expectations you have. You don’t keep in shape for intrinsic reasons, you seem to do so just to snare a woman. This is a set up for a future dad bod, which is cool if that’s the look you are going for, but you only have yourself to blame.

As far as the idea that sex will get boring and you don’t have great sex with a wife, you have a lot to sort out there as well. I am married at 34 and sex has been a priority for most of those years. Four boys got in the way for a number of years, but keeping in shape is a way that a couple can continue to be excited by each other and when the kids leave the nest, it is game on. Takes a lot of work and commitment as well as persistence and a wife who is willing to give you sex even when she doesn’t feel like it and do so with enthusiasm.

You have too many doubts right now. The “I love her to death” statement that you made is followed by an unspoken but... which implies you really do not love her in a way that indicates marriage. The fact that you do not fall asleep well when you sleep with her also indicates an underlying issue. When you truly love someone there is a comfort that allows total relaxation and trust. You find that you can’t sleep well without her.

Don’t get married to this one. Too many doubts. Some doubt is natural, but your head and attitude is already defeated. You are projecting yourself as fat, out of shape, and tired having boring sex and no drive in life. Not the way to start a marriage that is going to be a lasting one.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

My father and mother told me, at different times, 'If you're not going to have children, don't get married. Just live with a woman.' At 42 I moved in with the woman whom I married. Three years later, married, going on 26 years. No children. She was already going into menopause. Basically, I never should have married, period. Worse, both my wife and I were emotionally damaged before we met and together, we created a new dysfunctional dynamic. Likely why I developed ED. Too late to bail out. She's manifesting symptoms of dementia and I have untreatable bipolar illness.

Nothing wrong with marriage, even if you don't have children. No one can advise you whether or not to marry someone, though therapy can help you understand yourself. Some men and women have gone through multiple marriages until they found the 'right' one. If you want to get some insight into what you're going through, watch the movie 'High Fidelity' with John Cusack. I do wish you the best, whatever you decide.

 

[DixieWrecked]

Listen to your gut. That is the one piece of advice that I would give all men. My intuition has never been wrong when I look back in retrospect, I just had to learn the hard way. Generally men marry to lock down a woman which doesn't make one bit of sense. The laws are written in a way that puts men into a very vulnerable place once married. I honestly don't know why anyone would do it nowadays. It's basically an archaic relic of days gone. Our culture, sexual and social behavior and gender roles are light years different from how it was even 50 years ago. If a man gets married to a woman without years of courtship and verified proof that she is a standup woman that he wants to be with for the rest of his life, then he is a total freakin idiot making the most costly and stressful mistake of his entire life.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

Listen to your gut. That is the one piece of advice that I would give all men. My intuition has never been wrong when I look back in retrospect, I just had to learn the hard way. Generally men marry to lock down a woman which doesn't make one bit of sense. The laws are written in a way that puts men into a very vulnerable place once married. I honestly don't know why anyone would do it nowadays. It's basically an archaic relic of days gone. Our culture, sexual and social behavior and gender roles are light years different from how it was even 50 years ago. If a man gets married to a woman without years of courtship and verified proof that she is a standup woman that he want's to actually be with for the rest of his life, then he is a total freakin idiot making the most costly and stressful mistake of his entire life.

How are you doing?

 

[DixieWrecked]

I'm doing alright man. I haven't been through a divorce but I am currently breaking off a long relationship with a girl that is throwing up more red flags than a rodeo clown. Its hard to break it off but I have come to he realization that if I were to marry I would be fucking my life up more than I could ever imagine. I've already wasted enough time.

 

[slicktop]

How did you guys keep in shape after marriage?

Eat good foods. Avoid junk. Take testosterone. Lift heavy shit. Run. Repeat. I stay fit in order to stay fit, not to please someone else. I want to be able to perform physically demanding tasks that I enjoy without pain and soreness. I took the whole family camping this weekend, then came home, unloaded the truck, went to the inlaws to fix the plumbing on their pool, then went to play paintball for three hours. I played well and ran circles around not just the other dads, but 14-20 year olds as well. I'm hiking Eagle Rock loop over Spring Break and Philmont with my 17-year-old this summer. Staying in shape is about being prepared to live an active life, not just something you do temporarily to attract a mate.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

I'm doing alright man. I haven't been through a divorce but I am currently breaking off a long relationship with a girl that is throwing up more red flags than a rodeo clown. Its hard to break it off but I have come to he realization that if I were to marry I would be fucking my life up more than I could ever imagine. I've already wasted enough time.

I recall that you were in deep emotional distress regarding that woman. As I wrote to you, then, when I met my now wife, I came to realize something wasn't right with her but, despite the flashing red lights, I got tighter with her. Coming up on year 26 in May. At age 70, I don't think I'm going to get a do over. I thought she was the 'one'. Beautiful, sexy, smart and...sadly, seriously messed up. Do get away from her, no matter how much it might hurt.

 

[DixieWrecked]

I recall that you were in deep emotional distress regarding that woman. As I wrote to you, then, when I met my now wife, I came to realize something wasn't right with her but, despite the flashing red lights, I got tighter with her. Coming up on year 26 in May. At age 70, I don't think I'm going to get a do over. I thought she was the 'one'. Beautiful, sexy, smart and...sadly, seriously messed up. Do get away from her, no matter how much it might hurt.

I hear you. Your words are incredibly powerful. I have been distancing myself more and more every single day. I can see the future with her, and it's a nightmare. I was mistaken to think that I could fix it. People are who they are. People can only improve if they own their own mistakes and behavior and want to better themselves. Can't do that for them.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

I hear you. Your words are incredibly powerful. I have been distancing myself more and more every single day. I can see the future with her, and it's a nightmare. I was mistaken to think that I could fix it. People are who they are. People can only improve if they own their own mistakes and behavior and want to better themselves. Can't do that for them.

There's a site called shrink4men.com run by a female clinical psychologist, Tara Palmitier. What I came to learn from reading so many of her posts and the stories of men on the site forum is that I'm a rescuer. I've been that way since I was a teenager and either I dated women who were more messed up than me or I tried to help them, screwing myself in the process, then they found someone else.

Regarding women, I've been a schmuck. I'd get hung up on someone to the point that I became an emotional wreck instead of saying 'fuck it' and go have some fun. That's the way I was with my now wife when we started dating. We broke up many times and I'd go back to her because I felt sorry for her since she seemed so lost and helpless. As I said, I'm a schmuck. I've learned hard, painful lessons about myself and about relationships. Doubt if those lessons will help me now. Too late, unless she throws me out or she pushes me too far and I walk out. All I can do, now, is share what I've learned.

 

[DixieWrecked]

@tropicaldaze1950 I hear you loud and clear. Your words ring true to me. I've done the same thing. I think guys tend to be rescuers and females can exploit that and learn how to manipulate it. There are 5 basic ploys of manipulation and 2 of them that I have been victim to are lust and sympathy. The girl I am with now is all about the sympathy one. It's ridiculous. She will push me to the brink of snapping while I am trying to resolve the ridiculous conversation/situation (there is no solution btw) which she has manufactured and when I've finally had enough, she starts crying and begging for me to care. It's the biggest joke I have ever seen. A no-win absolutely idiotic situation. She is just perpetual problems.

I am right in the middle of the not being a schmuck pressure cooker. Need to stay strong and maintain my dignity. The worst thing I can do is get tangled up in a conversation with her.

 

[Casoren]

Hi! Keep it simple…if you have all these feelings youre not ready…give it time

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

@tropicaldaze1950 I hear you loud and clear. Your words ring true to me. I've done the same thing. I think guys tend to be rescuers and females can exploit that and learn how to manipulate it. There are 5 basic ploys of manipulation and 2 of them that I have been victim to are lust and sympathy. The girl I am with now is all about the sympathy one. It's ridiculous. She will push me to the brink of snapping while I am trying to resolve the ridiculous conversation/situation (there is no solution btw) which she has manufactured and when I've finally had enough, she starts crying and begging for me to care. It's the biggest joke I have ever seen. A no-win absolutely idiotic situation. She is just perpetual problems.

I am right in the middle of the not being a schmuck pressure cooker. Need to stay strong and maintain my dignity. The worst thing I can do is get tangled up in a conversation with her.

My wife, too. 'Circular argument'. Goes nowhere and leaves you exhausted, frustrated and angry.