I just need to Vent

[Starplex]

TRT is going fantastic at about 1.5 years in. I am pissed about sex!!
I've been married 19 years and have never cheated. Had one really solid opportunity about 10 years ago and said No.

Nov. 3rd was leaving for Deer Lease and she started menstrual cycle a few days before so no deal. Can't remember the time before, so prolly at least 1 week prior to this. Return on the 6th and obviously cycle is full on, so no deal.

I'm leaving for a business trip the next week on Nov. 13th. So I wait until Sat, Nov. 11th and no deal, still bleeding. So on Sunday I request and the answer is still spotting. Monday I'm thinking okay it has been freaking over, I get the answer I still had a few spots and if we engage then I will bleed a few more days. So I leave Monday night a little pissed, but get over it.

So this never happens to me, but since I have been on trt my body composition has changed drastically. I'm very fit now. So I'm sitting at the Bar Tuesday evening waiting on my business partner to come down so we can go eat dinner. A drop dead gorgeous blonde around my age comes and sits down right beside me at a mostly open bar asking if she may sit there. Of course, I said yes. She gets on the phone and bitches about her business meeting today with another client. She gets off the phone and starts talking with me and I'm no expert at this, but it was pretty damn obvious she wanted me to take her to dinner and I'm sure there would have been other activities. I was drooling all over myself!!! My business partner came down and I told her to have a nice evening and went on my way. I even overheard her room number and the thought crossed my mind of calling her upon my return. However, I took the high road and didn't. After all I'm happily married.

So I return home today on the 16th eager to bust a nut with my wife. I get all cleaned up and she is already in bed and I'm thinking Oh Yeah baby it is on. As soon as I start to close the door, she says I'm sorry honey I haven't ate well all day and I feel sick. She is border line hypoglycemic so if she doesn't eat she gets sick. Now I am raging pissed!! She new I was raging horny two weeks ago and knew I was coming home today and this is what I get. Man the thoughts of what could have happened at that hotel are going through my mind. At least she said maybe in the morning.

Well I fell a little better after getting all that out. Maybe I'll get lucky in the morning. However, it is a confidence booster when a stranger flirts with you at 43 years old...

 

[Mountain Man]

Wow. I'd examine the relationship with your wife. Does she know how you feel? Have you spoken about the increase in sex drive you have? Is there some other way she might get you off when she is unable to have sex with you? If you want casual sex, that is an option, but I don't think that is something you want to do without a little more thought, or you wouldn't have posted this. If you are looking for someone here to co-sign cheating, I'm sure you will get someone sooner or later.

Talk to to your wife, but don't threaten her by retelling the chick at the bar story. You both need an honest discussion about sex, your increased drive and possibly her decreased drive. If she's around your age, she may be going through premenopausal symptoms and her drive may be way down. My wife and I went through a similar pattern 15 years ago and we had a discussion. It was resolved by her stating that if she didn't want sex, she would not deprive me, and often satisfied me manually or orally. Sometimes she even agreed to sex although she wasn't fully interested. For some reason, possibly because it was a challenge to me , we had great sex and both of us were satisfied. This phase often passes in a marriage, and today as empty nesters we are having the best sex of our 30year marriage.

Naturally, both of you have to be responsible partners, keep in good physical shape, be respectful and loving to each other. Have a frank talk with your wife, emphasizing that your libido is up and you want HER more than ever. If she's reluctant, insist she meet with her doctor for a full physical to see if there are any medical reasons for the drop in her desire for you.If still no go, you have some decisions to make.

 

[Vince]

MM gives a really nice answer. Talk to your wife tell her what you need. I would also consider counseling, you don't sound very happy in your relationship with her, at least in the sexual department.

 

[Starplex]

Thanks guys and Mountain Man you are exactly right. Upon first starting TRT we had that exact discussion and sex was a whole lot better for about 6 months, but then slacked off. However, as you stated I know she is Pres-Menopausel as she has hot flashes and she just recently got her Thyroid back in control. (She sees the same Dr. I see for TRT.) So I just need to be patient and have that discussion again. I'm glad I didn't cheat and I don't want to cheat, it is against my morals as a Christian and I Love her so much. We have 3 awesome kids together and I wouldn't trade anything. I was just pissed at the time and decided to air it out to you guys. Thanks for the advice!!!! I'll have that discussion again.

 

[Nashtide]

I'm 13 years older than you. My wife went through a long peri-menopausal period. She finally went to her gyn and got tested and treated with bio identical hormones and our sex life and social life is better than ever.

 

[Starplex]

Just a quick update, I decided to go in late to work this morning and let's just say it was worth the wait!!! I'm a happy camper once again. Nash, thanks for the comments, all of her hormones have been tested and the only thing that was needing help was the thyroid, so they continue to monitor all those levels. Thanks guys!!

 

[OMI100]

Hmmmm Thyroid.... Can cause a LOT of issues and most DRs have no clue and are taught that if you are within range that all is good in the universe. Aint so... Ck out these 2 great sites and read up a bit.

http://www.tiredthyroid.com/
Read the minimum labs that need to be ran to cover ALL bases.
Here are the labs : http://www.tiredthyroid.com/what-labs.html
Most DRs only look at the TSH..

If you like the above site get her book. A wealth of valid current information
and
http://hypothyroidmom.com/

Hmmmm lead article might be of interest.
Another great site with a lot of great info.....

 

[Mountain Man]

Just a quick update, I decided to go in late to work this morning and let's just say it was worth the wait!!! I'm a happy camper once again. Nash, thanks for the comments, all of her hormones have been tested and the only thing that was needing help was the thyroid, so they continue to monitor all those levels. Thanks guys!!

Thyroid issues are a huge problem for premenopausal and menopausal women, causing not only weight gain but depression. Get her on the correct med regimen, walk with her on a daily basis, or at least set some regular physical activity that you both do together, (sex and foreplay are great for this) and work on rekindling the fire that both of you once had for each other. Do this slowly and regularly. Don't tell her what you're doing, just do it. Praise her , flirt, tease, just like you did when you met. You will find that she will not only be interested in sex, but will become more interested in how she looks, her weight, and her fitness. You both will be more sexually active than you've been in years. If you are like me, you don't want to divorce and cheating is out of the realm of your comfort level. Sooo, she is the only game in town. Nurture this, train her and condition her to crave you, and you will also desire her. Nice combination...