flaming codependant needs help with boundary muscles!

[Brooksy Chuck]

I am feeling down about my people skills. How does this work?
I need help in learning to strengthen my boundary muscles. In this journey of shoulder rehab, j have had to ask a lot of people for help some I don't know very well others are folks I have known casually. In doing so I am seeing a lot of me feels.obligation for their help and in that it is keeping me from being true to my recovery and down time. Also some folks what to take advantage
One person I put my credit card on her zip car account so I could get a lift short notice, I also gave her some cash for her time and an extra hour on the car for her. I few days later I got a message that she ended to use my card for a trip for her on zip car and hope I didn't mind she would pay me back right away. I can't get a hold of her now. My neighbor how made an ice run for me .Was salivating and asked for my pain meds. And another friend that was my primary care the day of and after inlaid 100$ which isn't a lot but she yelled at me when I told her to male sure the ice was handled and then she sat and picked her scalp until a big pile of skin was on my couch arm. It was grossed and Its in a position of vulnerability at that time as it was right after surgery. I realiZe these are their issues and my challenge is how do I ask for help and get what I need despite people that are self seeking? The funny thing is I feel like I Am being totally selfish and am supposed to show up for them
The easiest of chalanges are the good folks that are trying to really help and they come visit or bring supplies. Which is great and I also find myself feeling obligated to listen to them for hours...and right now my energy is all about self care and doing pretty
With one arm everything takes twice as long and twice much energy. So feel like not asking anyone for help because in am getting totally overwhelmed. Yet I need help for another grocery run. I guess I should be grateful promenade showing up and I am. I just need to find a way to take care of myself around them
I did try a boundary with one person and she totally shut me out. How does this work?




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[SoCalSurfer]

Where are your bros at?
Not sure you live but there should be a delivery service that can bring your the groceries. If you need to get around find someone that you can pay to drive you around. Car service, Taxi or a college student looking for some side money. My friends mom used to pay a college kid 10 bucks an hour to drive her to doc and store and help her out. It was only once or twice a week for a few hours, so not too costly. This way they will not hang around because your not paying to just hang out. If you go to church there are always people to help out if you ask the pastor.

True friends you would not have any issues setting boundaries or saying what is on your mind. From what you have said it sounds like these people have some issues that they are dealing with and might not have many friends and are happy to have someone to just talk to. And they might feel good being able to help someone for a change.

 

[Brooksy Chuck]

Thanks for the reply. Good thinking and ideas! I do have a couple buddies that have shown up and helped tremendously
And are not asking a lot. I don't want to burn them out
It will be 5 more weeks before I can drive. I looked into cabs in the bay area and they seemed like $40 for round trip. Am considering buses although the Dr said not so God as we don't want to risk falling or getting a bad bump on the arm. Also was advised against zip car until I am off pain meds, although in only take less than one at nite. And still in sling so driving zip car may make liability issues. I do have most of my primary times covered for Jan though
I think yesterday in was in a bit of a meltdown. Glad today is better. It is hard to ask folks for much help. I Wil also check on other resources as you suggested. Thank you!

 

[Nelson Vergel]

Broosky, hang in there and know that we are here at least to serve as support even if it is virtual. 2014 will be better!

 

[Brooksy Chuck]

Nelson thank you for the kindness. Sometimes your soft kind heart brings tears of gratitude to my eyes. I like your updated picture by the way
Wondering do you know any good sources and info of anabolic steroids and female well being? I think they may be useful for chronic fatigue. But hard to find anything

Yes I Am looking forward to
2014 and having a much better shoulder. 2013 I lost mom 3 months ago and my relation of 5 years a month ago. Still shocked I have not heard from her when at one point she had offered to be of some help. A buddy and his dog are coming today to. Get me out of apartment
Yay! Then we may watch Spartacus. Will be glad to have dog energy and company and go out for a bit!

 

[robs2nd75]

Sorry to hear that you have had to deal with so much.

 

[Brooksy Chuck]

thank you Rob.. what do they say that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger! It has been a bit of a spiritual journey. Happy New Year!

 

[Keith Willse]

Hang in the Brooksy ... I sure hope it gets better for you in 2014. I am currently facing shoulder surgery myself and I am not looking forward to it .... The thought of having my bicep tendon cut and reattached is a bit disturbing.

 

[Brooksy Chuck]

thanks Keith! i am happy to report today is 28days post op, and i got word to wean off using the sling- : ) i have to say using my left hand and arm has taught me alot i have been much more focused that usual. also the pain for me has not been bad-.. i got lucky i guess. lots of pt at home and today i got new exercises.. i can do 2lb bicep curls and some tri extensions and a couple other things .. where my right on is gonna practice moving on its own.

Keith i invested in this Polar care cube by Berg.. i certainly recommend it.. i stayed plugged in the first 4 days 24x7 and keep refilling it with ice. ..it uses a lot so stock up get a small freezer if you dont have one- i bought a used one for $50 bucks i am so glad i invested the machine used 24lbs of ice in a 24hour period.

are you having a complete shoulder replacement?
tendons take a while to heal.. i have a friend that had that and he is now a power lifter- i got lucky my dr and his team really supported me and have me confidence in they knew what they were doing and they really went out of their way to accommodate me around my fears and questions- i had never had surgery.

it has given me alot of time alone and reflection- am amazed at how much i could do with one had and a pair of feet!

 

[Keith Willse]

I have two labrum tears and my bicep tendon is mangled up. I also have a good size cyst that has developed. The labrum repair can be done arthroscopically but the bicep tendon has to be repaired thru an open incision in my armpit area.. Yikes.

Is this the device you recommend?

http://www.amazon.com/Polar-Care-Therapy-Shoulder-Combo/dp/B006L8ML16

 

[Brooksy Chuck]

Yes that is the device. my only complaint was the dang clips were difficult for me...but i managed. that is a good price too! i paid $200 from the dr's office.

what happened to your bicep? which procedure will you have done first? or are you gonna do both?
i had a complete tear with retraction in the supraspanatatis tendon.. my left shoulder has been acting up.. it feels like it has a tear as well.. i hope not.. it has been alot of work! on top of cfids.

 

[Keith Willse]

I love amazon but I found it even cheaper here ....
http://www.braceshop.com/breg-polar-cube-cold-therapy.htm?gclid=CNnlnL215bsCFWRk7AodiTMAKA

I don't know what happen to my bicep tendon other than it hurts .... It's more than likely happen at the same time when I tore my labrum....I am getting both procedures done at the same time.... Lucky me , not.

It's ironic that you said your other shoulder is acting up because my other should was fine until i got this injury. Over use of the good shoulder ?? Maybe ....