Do guys imagine other girls during sex?

[jobshopper]

I am 58 and have been married over 34 years.

Congratulations! Keep doing whatever works for you.

 

[learner]

Congratulations! Keep doing whatever works for you.

I will! Sex is much better now than at 20. So much higher quality than when it was daily and more than once daily. So satisfying.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

I think it is wrong to do that. We should be giving all of ourselves to the woman we are with at that moment. It is a deep connection we should have. That’s why casual sex is hollow and leaving you wanting more or new experiences because it was satisfactory. It took me years to get this and now I am a great lover to my wife and we are both highly satisfied.

Agree, but if one's wife isn't emotionally healthy, ambivalent about love making, gaslights you or is manipulative, the feeling/desire begins to recede. You and your wife have a healthy relationship. You're a fortunate man.

 

[learner]

I am sorry your situation is less than ideal. I was not a great husband as I had sexual addiction issues for years. These past 5 have been the best by far. It’s so much more than the sex and orgasm. It’s hard to explain but it is much more mind blowing when you’re all in and 100% there. Didn’t know it could be this way for over 50 years. Hope it lasts until my death !

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

I am sorry your situation is less than ideal. I was not a great husband as I had sexual addiction issues for years. These past 5 have been the best by far. It’s so much more than the sex and orgasm. It’s hard to explain but it is much more mind blowing when you’re all in and 100% there. Didn’t know it could be this way for over 50 years. Hope it lasts until my death !

Thanks. I understand what you're saying; It's the emotional connection, the joy you find in being with that person. On my part I had that, but my wife has psych, trauma and sexual issues she never wanted to deal with and it was difficult for her to fake being emotionally well. It is/was a one sided love. Now she has Alzheimer's.

 

[learner]

Thanks. I understand what you're saying; It's the emotional connection, the joy you find in being with that person. On my part I had that, but my wife has psych, trauma and sexual issues she never wanted to deal with and it was difficult for her to fake being emotionally well. It is/was a one sided love. Now she has Alzheimer's.

Man that sucks. I’m sorry for your jacked up situation.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

Man that sucks. I’m sorry for your jacked up situation.

Thanks.

 

[skullmaggots]

I always imagine other girls when I have sex. My focus is never on the girl I'm with, more I imagine someone else performing the act.

 

[learner]

Well that’s just sad. Therapy will help with that and the trauma you may have experienced in your past. Good luck.

 

[FunkOdyssey]

No judgement, but it strikes me as almost pathological that you would want or need to imagine someone different than the person you're with. It is the opposite of being present and I think it is a disservice to your partner. Call me old fashioned I guess.

 

[skullmaggots]

I take your point, but you don't think other men do that? I think you'll find its very common

 

[learner]

I used to do that when I was broken from past sexual trauma and unable to be emotionally available. It was about the act, the physical, the orgasm and not to be with someone in love. It is so much better to be present completely and give yourself to someone. I'm sure there are guys who do what you do. They too are missing out and not fully experiencing the full joy of great sex and lovemaking. It took therapy and the age of 53 to actually begin to peak in this area. Sex is better than ever and much better when I was younger and in it for the orgasm.

 

[skullmaggots]

Interesting and I don't know your past, but I've not experienced any sexual trauma in my life at all. I'm not just in it for my orgasm, I make sure my partner is taken care of. For me this is about ensuring I come out of the sex thinking I did well and can hold my head high with pride. Its about nothing else for me tbh

 

[learner]

You're missing out dude. When you are there completely and wholly it is even better.

 

[skullmaggots]

Sounds like it, but I’m 51 too late to change now, so onwards in this fucked up state I guess.

 

[learner]

Sounds like it, but I’m 51 too late to change now, so onwards in this fucked up state I guess.

Never too late! I changed my life at 53! Better than ever living a life of gratitude and thankfulness. You can too.

 

[jobshopper]

So how many wives do suppose are thinking about some other dude while they are doing hubby? LOL!

 

[learner]

So how many wives do suppose are thinking about some other dude while they are doing hubby? LOL!

Only the skanky ones!

 

[jobshopper]

Only the skanky ones!

Maybe this will helpful to you.

Can Fantasizing About Other People Ruin a Relationship?

How current partners fare against idealized others.

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[learner]

Maybe this will helpful to you.

Can Fantasizing About Other People Ruin a Relationship?

How current partners fare against idealized others.

www.psychologytoday.com

So if your sex life is unfulfilled then fantasizing of others helps??!! That’s a warped and twisted way to make things “better”. My experience is that your fulfillment will be exponentially better if you are there 100% and wholly committed to the person you’re with. God was on to something when he created sex and the context in which we experience that gift is everything. Anything apart from His design is less than it was meant to be. I speak from experience on this. Decades of sex without being there fully committed was physically great but not emotionally or spiritually. When those three are fully aligned, sex will blow your mind!!