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Gman86

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I was depressed on carnivore because I missed carbs lol.

that said I always have low to Low normal hdl and high triglycerides unless I go low carb/low sugar. I still can only manage to get my hdl into the 40s but trys came way down into the 80s. However all my blood markers for insulin issues are perfect except maybe the low shbg.
Thats cuz carbs are amazing!! lol. U just need more healthy fats in ur diet. Ur HDL will improve. And triglycerides might go down even further. But a triglyceride level in the 80’s is definitely something to be proud of. Rn I eat a lot of protein, and a lot of carbs each day, and I put everything into my fitness pall the other day and surprisingly I’m still getting like 130g of fat per day. Didn’t think my fat intake was that high, considering all the calories I get from protein and carbs everyday. Healthy fats are the most important macronutrient we can intake as humans, so I’m good with my fats being as high as they apparently are
 
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tareload

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Yeah good point. Always been in that category.

We went through that here on diet...


Very consistent for about 9 years now.

Best wishes and great you found what works for you!
 

Charliebizz

Well-Known Member
Thats cuz carbs are amazing!! lol. U just need more healthy fats in ur diet. Ur HDL will improve. And triglycerides might go down even further. But a triglyceride level in the 80’s is definitely something to be proud of. Rn I eat a lot of protein, and a lot of carbs each day, and I put everything into my fitness pall the other day and surprisingly I’m still getting like 130g of fat per day. Didn’t think my fat intake was that high, considering all the calories I get from protein and carbs everyday. Healthy fats are the most important macronutrient we can intake as humans, so I’m good with my fats being as high as they apparently are
My trys typically run high 100/200 unless I eat low carb low processed sugars I’ve only had them under 100 when doing modified carnivore.
 

Gman86

Member
Yeah good point. Always been in that category.

We went through that here on diet...


Very consistent for about 9 years now.

Best wishes and great you found what works for you!
Thanks man. And oh ya, I remember now. Definitely lots of problematic foods in ur diet lol. U’d be surprised at the effects foods can have on us, good or bad. One lady had been doing carnivore for a while, but still had her autoimmune disease. She ended up cutting out all spices on her foods and her autoimmune disorder completely resolved. Think it was lupus. She showed the before and after bloodwork and everything. Some people are just more sensitive to foods that the body doesn’t do well with than others. Sucks

Jordan Peterson and his daughter are like that. He does strict carnivore. He’s dealt with severe depression most of his life, that the carnivore diet pretty much resolved. But if he has something like a salad, his depression comes back. Sounds crazy, but some people really are that sensitive to foods that mess with the body. That's why there’s an infinite amount of anecdotes out there where someone feels substantially better on carnivore than keto. Because keto allows people to still eat a ton of foods that mess with the human body.
 
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tareload

Guest
Thanks man. And oh ya, I remember now. Definitely lots of problematic foods in ur diet lol. U’d be surprised at the effects foods can have on us, good or bad. One lady had been doing carnivore for a while, but still had her autoimmune disease. She ended up cutting out all spices on her foods and her autoimmune disorder completely resolved. Think it was lupus. She showed the before and after bloodwork and everything. Some people are just more sensitive to foods that the body doesn’t do well with than others. Sucks

Jordan Peterson and his daughter are like that. He does strict carnivore. He’s dealt with severe depression most of his life, that the carnivore diet pretty much resolved. But if he has something like a salad, his depression comes back. Sounds crazy, but some people really are that sensitive to foods that mess with the body. That's why there’s an infinite amount of anecdotes out there where someone feels substantially better on carnivore than keto. Because keto allows people to still eat a ton of foods that mess with the human body.
@readalot and diet looks pretty good man, I have to say

Uh yeah 10-4. Thanks a bunch. I thought I had disordered eating but yeah not going to eat red meat only. LoL.

Still glad you found a useful knob on your triglycerides. Take care.
 
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Gman86

Member
Gotcha. Thanks a bunch. I thought I had disordered eating but yeah not going to eat red meat only. LoL.

Still glad you found a useful know on your triglycerides. Take care.
Red meat, salt and water only is actually called the lion diet, carnivore is much much more varied in what u can consume. But I would never worry about sticking to a specific diet or way of eating, or what ur way of eating is called. Would just focus on eating as many foods as u can that are good for ur body, and try ur best to stay away from as many foods as u can that mess with the way the body functions. U do that and u’ll eventually be in a much much better position than u are currently, I promise. Best of luck to ya man. Just want to see everyone happy and doing well, including u ;)
 

BigTex

Well-Known Member
That’s the shitty part about depression and anxiety. Despite all the great things in life I can still feel miserable in my own skin. It’s very hard to describe. I’m not a weak minded person when it comes to work and just being a man in general. I get shit done. But I can be very weak in my head. No one who knows me (except my wife) would ever believe I suffer from depression at all. It’s very hard to explain to be honest
Bro, have you considered psychotherapy? Someone is good can help you mentally deal with depression and possibly find out what is triggering it. I just don't believe medication is helping rather making it worse. You need someone to teach you how to make the head stronger. I am worried about you and want to see you happy about life. Have you been diagnosed with clinical depression?
 

Charliebizz

Well-Known Member
Bro, have you considered psychotherapy? Someone is good can help you mentally deal with depression and possibly find out what is triggering it. I just don't believe medication is helping rather making it worse. You need someone to teach you how to make the head stronger. I am worried about you and want to see you happy about life. Have you been diagnosed with clinical depression?
Honestly I never had depression till trt. I’m not sure if the shutdown effects me more then others. Ive tried backfilling and it never worked out. I do have low preg levels in blood But preg supplementations makes me feel off. My depression also isn’t terrible. It can be situational at times. when I don’t feel well I’m down. Trt hasn’t been a panacea for me. While I do feel better I’m still not 100% and that causes a good deal of my depression.
 

BigTex

Well-Known Member
Honestly I never had depression till trt. I’m not sure if the shutdown effects me more then others. Ive tried backfilling and it never worked out. I do have low preg levels in blood But preg supplementations makes me feel off. My depression also isn’t terrible. It can be situational at times. when I don’t feel well I’m down. Trt hasn’t been a panacea for me. While I do feel better I’m still not 100% and that causes a good deal of my depression.
You know I have been using steroids for a long time. I use to take breaks and just stopped cold turkey. I never mentally felt any different until I started losing the water and strength after about 3-4 week. I guess that may have caused some depression because I saw my self shrinking. No athletes ever want to see their hard earned gains go backward. So I would get back on to get back to normal (size and strength). I think guys who come on here and expect TRT to perform some kind of panacea are expecting too much. I don't think feeling normal is so great until you mentally allow your self to feel great.

One time in my life my wife though I was depressed and needed some help. Could be, I had a very hard life, tons of baggage and lots of thinks bothered me I had no idea of. I always kept thing in side and would not allow myself to show much emotion other than anger. So I went to see a psychologist for about a year. It was kike a light suddenly came on, I finally realized what bothered me and I broke down and let a lot of emotion out in front of this women doctor, I cried like a damn baby. Never done that before. When I got depressed I was not sad but it manifested into anger. So like a hurt tiger, I lashed out at anyone around me and felt better afterwards. Getting in fights and stuff like that helped me feel better. Not a good way to stay alive. So once I found out why I felt this way I was able to make peace with my past and deal with what caused me to be angry. I still get bouts of anger but nothing like it was 10 years ago and I can much more easily deal with it. One of my solutions was retiring from a job I hated. Unless you have been diagnosed with clinical depression, most likely a psychologist can help you understand why you get depressed and deal with it. TRT is not helping because there is something in your mind that is bothering you. Yo honestly need to address that. Give it a thought.
 

Charliebizz

Well-Known Member
You know I have been using steroids for a long time. I use to take breaks and just stopped cold turkey. I never mentally felt any different until I started losing the water and strength after about 3-4 week. I guess that may have caused some depression because I saw my self shrinking. No athletes ever want to see their hard earned gains go backward. So I would get back on to get back to normal (size and strength). I think guys who come on here and expect TRT to perform some kind of panacea are expecting too much. I don't think feeling normal is so great until you mentally allow your self to feel great.

One time in my life my wife though I was depressed and needed some help. Could be, I had a very hard life, tons of baggage and lots of thinks bothered me I had no idea of. I always kept thing in side and would not allow myself to show much emotion other than anger. So I went to see a psychologist for about a year. It was kike a light suddenly came on, I finally realized what bothered me and I broke down and let a lot of emotion out in front of this women doctor, I cried like a damn baby. Never done that before. When I got depressed I was not sad but it manifested into anger. So like a hurt tiger, I lashed out at anyone around me and felt better afterwards. Getting in fights and stuff like that helped me feel better. Not a good way to stay alive. So once I found out why I felt this way I was able to make peace with my past and deal with what caused me to be angry. I still get bouts of anger but nothing like it was 10 years ago and I can much more easily deal with it. One of my solutions was retiring from a job I hated. Unless you have been diagnosed with clinical depression, most likely a psychologist can help you understand why you get depressed and deal with it. TRT is not helping because there is something in your mind that is bothering you. Yo honestly need to address that. Give it a thought.
You’re def not wrong about that brother. And here is the funny part. I had a great up bringing. Great family. Not much turmoil in my life at all to be honest. I literally have no reason to be depressed other than that I don’t feel great physically. I was diagnosed with Lyme at 16 years old (41 now) that was when I started to have some issues. Started to get anxiety and tired all the time. Aches and pains. But nothing crazy. I was able to live a Normal life for the most part. But was always hyperaware of how I felt. So while I’m not sure if it’s actually chronic Lyme. Or just my broken way of thinking holding me back it’s something lol. I do have a lot of strange symptoms I’ve carried from them. and they seem to wax and wane. And I think I truly have a ton of trouble with getting older and facing mortality. While I’m only 41 shit happened so fast and I’m hyper focused on that and how quick the end can come. it’s something I try and work on all the time but it’s just my broken way of thinking. I know people attach this stigma to mental health. Like it’s something you can just work on so easy. But it’s really not for some of us. many people in my family are the same way. they have the same broken thinking as me. And it wasn’t even a learned behavior. But think of it like muscle building genetics or height or athleticism. some people are born with it some aren’t. Some are born very positive mentally some aren’t. I’ve always been a bit of a pessimist inside but happy go lucky on the outside. im Not even trying to make excuses but it’s the reality for some of us. I have to find some way to except how life works and just stop and smell the roses. thats been my biggest hurdle in my life.

all that said I’m still a happy person. I’m not depressed to the point where I stay inside ir stay in bed all day. I’m always out getting shit done. very hard worker. Take care of the wife and kids. Still enjoy playing sports and working out. I just get Bummed out about how Fast shit moves and how I don’t feel 100% often. If that makes sense
 

Fortunate

Well-Known Member
You’re def not wrong about that brother. And here is the funny part. I had a great up bringing. Great family. Not much turmoil in my life at all to be honest. I literally have no reason to be depressed other than that I don’t feel great physically. I was diagnosed with Lyme at 16 years old (41 now) that was when I started to have some issues. Started to get anxiety and tired all the time. Aches and pains. But nothing crazy. I was able to live a Normal life for the most part. But was always hyperaware of how I felt. So while I’m not sure if it’s actually chronic Lyme. Or just my broken way of thinking holding me back it’s something lol. I do have a lot of strange symptoms I’ve carried from them. and they seem to wax and wane. And I think I truly have a ton of trouble with getting older and facing mortality. While I’m only 41 shit happened so fast and I’m hyper focused on that and how quick the end can come. it’s something I try and work on all the time but it’s just my broken way of thinking. I know people attach this stigma to mental health. Like it’s something you can just work on so easy. But it’s really not for some of us. many people in my family are the same way. they have the same broken thinking as me. And it wasn’t even a learned behavior. But think of it like muscle building genetics or height or athleticism. some people are born with it some aren’t. Some are born very positive mentally some aren’t. I’ve always been a bit of a pessimist inside but happy go lucky on the outside. im Not even trying to make excuses but it’s the reality for some of us. I have to find some way to except how life works and just stop and smell the roses. thats been my biggest hurdle in my life.

all that said I’m still a happy person. I’m not depressed to the point where I stay inside ir stay in bed all day. I’m always out getting shit done. very hard worker. Take care of the wife and kids. Still enjoy playing sports and working out. I just get Bummed out about how Fast shit moves and how I don’t feel 100% often. If that makes sense
Hey, man, one thing to keep in mind is that this community is full of dudes who either have taken or are currently taking anti-depressants. We can debate their efficacy all day long, but the point is lots of guys feel they can't overcome a suboptimal mood that doesn't seem to rationally fit their circumstances (ie, you are not alone - it's part of being human for some of us).

Without veering into a really esoteric place, I have found the concept of insight, with meditation being the experiential practice of insight, to be somewhat helpful with anxiety. It has also helped me be more calm when considering our own mortality. I can make lots of recommendations, but one good place to start would be to read some of the stuff by Thich Nhat Hang. He was an incredibly kind and peaceful buddhist monk who just recently passed away. His writing tends to be simple, but powerful when taken literally.

But, for me, studying these things certainly has not been a panacea, which is why I finally relented and decided to try a pharmacology approach. My opinion (and it's just that - an opinion) is that some people may need both: CBT/talk therapy and a medication. I suspect some of us inherit a neurotransmitter milieu that make us prone to depression. I think we can also develop thought patterns that are negative and become easily triggered (maybe there is some physiologic corollary with neurological connections and firing patterns that become strengthened over time???). Maybe medication helps us overcome these negative neurologic patterns?

This is all speculation. But, my point is, needing meds or talk therapy is not a weakness.
 

Charliebizz

Well-Known Member
Hey, man, one thing to keep in mind is that this community is full of dudes who either have taken or are currently taking anti-depressants. We can debate their efficacy all day long, but the point is lots of guys feel they can't overcome a suboptimal mood that doesn't seem to rationally fit their circumstances (ie, you are not alone - it's part of being human for some of us).

Without veering into a really esoteric place, I have found the concept of insight, with meditation being the experiential practice of insight, to be somewhat helpful with anxiety. It has also helped me be more calm when considering our own mortality. I can make lots of recommendations, but one good place to start would be to read some of the stuff by Thich Nhat Hang. He was an incredibly kind and peaceful buddhist monk who just recently passed away. His writing tends to be simple, but powerful when taken literally.

But, for me, studying these things certainly has not been a panacea, which is why I finally relented and decided to try a pharmacology approach. My opinion (and it's just that - an opinion) is that some people may need both: CBT/talk therapy and a medication. I suspect some of us inherit a neurotransmitter milieu that make us prone to depression. I think we can also develop thought patterns that are negative and become easily triggered (maybe there is some physiologic corollary with neurological connections and firing patterns that become strengthened over time???). Maybe medication helps us overcome these negative neurologic patterns?

This is all speculation. But, my point is, needing meds or talk therapy is not a weakness.
I feel the same about your thoughts. And I also feel like I suffer from some kind of ptsd from how bad I used to feel. So when I get any little side effect from trying new things I freak out and get depressed. And I also do believe I’m sensitive to changes in my hormones.that’s why I wonder what effects oxandrolone has on cortisol and such. I believe that was one of my issues with trt also. I’ve read a few studies but they kind of left me confused. I also have to remember my little trial was with ug oxandrolone. And we all know that’s one of the most faked orals around. So if I was getting something like dbol maybe why it could have disrupted my mood so much. I have dr prescribed oxandrolone coming tomorrow but now I’m afraid to use it.
 

Gman86

Member
Hey, man, one thing to keep in mind is that this community is full of dudes who either have taken or are currently taking anti-depressants. We can debate their efficacy all day long, but the point is lots of guys feel they can't overcome a suboptimal mood that doesn't seem to rationally fit their circumstances (ie, you are not alone - it's part of being human for some of us).

Without veering into a really esoteric place, I have found the concept of insight, with meditation being the experiential practice of insight, to be somewhat helpful with anxiety. It has also helped me be more calm when considering our own mortality. I can make lots of recommendations, but one good place to start would be to read some of the stuff by Thich Nhat Hang. He was an incredibly kind and peaceful buddhist monk who just recently passed away. His writing tends to be simple, but powerful when taken literally.

But, for me, studying these things certainly has not been a panacea, which is why I finally relented and decided to try a pharmacology approach. My opinion (and it's just that - an opinion) is that some people may need both: CBT/talk therapy and a medication. I suspect some of us inherit a neurotransmitter milieu that make us prone to depression. I think we can also develop thought patterns that are negative and become easily triggered (maybe there is some physiologic corollary with neurological connections and firing patterns that become strengthened over time???). Maybe medication helps us overcome these negative neurologic patterns?

This is all speculation. But, my point is, needing meds or talk therapy is not a weakness.
I really feel for guys like u that think u’ve just been dealt a bad genetic hand and are doomed to deal with mood issues the rest of ur life. I can’t tell u how many times I’ve heard people say the same exact thing, and go carnivore, and report that their depression went away either completely, or pretty much completely. Im not against anyone taking meds for their mood, I just want everyone to know that there’s other options, and most people with mood disorders aren’t doomed to have to deal with them for the rest of their lives.

Im not trying to push carnivore like it’s the only way to eat. All I want is for people to realize how they can feel, and how well the body can heal and operate when all ur giving it is foods/ liquids that have a positive effect on the body, and give the body the nutrients it needs to function properly, without giving it foods/ liquids that mess with it. Both parts are equally important. The body is a miraculous machine, and can heal in miraculous ways when u simply give it what it needs, and nothing that messes with it

I have a ton of vids and anecdotes saved on this subject, but here’s two that u only have to watch for 2 1/2 mins total to see that ur not destined to suffer with depression for the rest of ur life. Very far from it

(watch from 16 mins to 18 mins)


(watch from 38 mins to 38:30 mins)
 

Gman86

Member
I feel the same about your thoughts. And I also feel like I suffer from some kind of ptsd from how bad I used to feel. So when I get any little side effect from trying new things I freak out and get depressed. And I also do believe I’m sensitive to changes in my hormones.that’s why I wonder what effects oxandrolone has on cortisol and such. I believe that was one of my issues with trt also. I’ve read a few studies but they kind of left me confused. I also have to remember my little trial was with ug oxandrolone. And we all know that’s one of the most faked orals around. So if I was getting something like dbol maybe why it could have disrupted my mood so much. I have dr prescribed oxandrolone coming tomorrow but now I’m afraid to use it.
Oxandrolone has a half life of around half a day. So it would take roughly 2.5 days for it to be fully out of ur system if u do end up trying it and it doesn’t make u feel good. So worst case scenario u try it, and don’t feel good, just stop taking it, and u should be back to baseline in a couple days. I wouldn’t be scared to simply give it a trial run, if I were u. I’d say it’s worth at least giving it a go
 

Charliebizz

Well-Known Member
I really feel for guys like u that think u’ve just been dealt a bad genetic hand and are doomed to deal with mood issues the rest of ur life. I can’t tell u how many times I’ve heard people say the same exact thing, and go carnivore, and report that their depression went away either completely, or pretty much completely. Im not against anyone taking meds for their mood, I just want everyone to know that there’s other options, and most people with mood disorders aren’t doomed to have to deal with them for the rest of their lives.

Im not trying to push carnivore like it’s the only way to eat. All I want is for people to realize how they can feel, and how well the body can heal and operate when all ur giving it is foods/ liquids that have a positive effect on the body, and give the body the nutrients it needs to function properly, without giving it foods/ liquids that mess with it. Both parts are equally important. The body is a miraculous machine, and can heal in miraculous ways when u simply give it what it needs, and nothing that messes with it

I have a ton of vids and anecdotes saved on this subject, but here’s two that u only have to watch for 2 1/2 mins total to see that ur not destined to suffer with depression for the rest of ur life. Very far from it

(watch from 16 mins to 18 mins)


(watch from 38 mins to 38:30 mins)
I’m a round about way wouldnt your ”genes” be the reason you feel like crap eating a certain way? I’m not doubting you at all and I’ve seen what carnivore did for my lipids. But eating like that also causes me situational depression. it’s very hard to sustain that way of eating. From always preparing food to worrying about what you’re going to eat when you go to a gathering. Or just enjoying a good meal out to eat with the family. It gets very depressing. Especially when you have plenty of people around you that feel great and can eat whatever the hell they want. Lol.
 

Charliebizz

Well-Known Member
Oxandrolone has a half life of around half a day. So it would take roughly 2.5 days for it to be fully out of ur system if u do end up trying it and it doesn’t make u feel good. So worst case scenario u try it, and don’t feel good, just stop taking it, and u should be back to baseline in a couple days. I wouldn’t be scared to simply give it a trial run, if I were u. I’d say it’s worth at least giving it a go
It’s not that simple. Even though it’s out of system that fast. All the metabolites and hormones it throws out of wack still take time to rebalance. I know it’s not the end of the world but I’m telling you I have ptsd from feeling so bad for so long and actually feeling decent now.
 

BigTex

Well-Known Member
You’re def not wrong about that brother. And here is the funny part. I had a great up bringing. Great family. Not much turmoil in my life at all to be honest. I literally have no reason to be depressed other than that I don’t feel great physically. I was diagnosed with Lyme at 16 years old (41 now) that was when I started to have some issues. Started to get anxiety and tired all the time. Aches and pains. But nothing crazy. I was able to live a Normal life for the most part. But was always hyperaware of how I felt. So while I’m not sure if it’s actually chronic Lyme. Or just my broken way of thinking holding me back it’s something lol. I do have a lot of strange symptoms I’ve carried from them. and they seem to wax and wane. And I think I truly have a ton of trouble with getting older and facing mortality. While I’m only 41 shit happened so fast and I’m hyper focused on that and how quick the end can come. it’s something I try and work on all the time but it’s just my broken way of thinking. I know people attach this stigma to mental health. Like it’s something you can just work on so easy. But it’s really not for some of us. many people in my family are the same way. they have the same broken thinking as me. And it wasn’t even a learned behavior. But think of it like muscle building genetics or height or athleticism. some people are born with it some aren’t. Some are born very positive mentally some aren’t. I’ve always been a bit of a pessimist inside but happy go lucky on the outside. im Not even trying to make excuses but it’s the reality for some of us. I have to find some way to except how life works and just stop and smell the roses. thats been my biggest hurdle in my life.

all that said I’m still a happy person. I’m not depressed to the point where I stay inside ir stay in bed all day. I’m always out getting shit done. very hard worker. Take care of the wife and kids. Still enjoy playing sports and working out. I just get Bummed out about how Fast shit moves and how I don’t feel 100% often. If that makes sense
I feel your pain. Getting old is hard to accept. Fortunately for me I never realized my age until I hit 63, life moved very fast. I have always been thankful I made it as far as I have and had lots of nightmares about how close I have come to an early demise many times. What would have happened if I had not reacted the way I did. I learned to control that by not putting myself in bad situations.

We had an old saying in football, its not the destination, but the journey that matters. We are all on a journey, so make the most of it every day when you wake up. Every day is an opportunity to be a better person. Don't look to the end, just live the day. Obviously the way you think is a learned behavior from your family. Perhaps some help understanding what you were taught and being able to change your thought processes would help you face life. My wife did this with meditation, I spent hours going to work listening to motivational/positive thinking speakers. This helped me think positive when I competed. I always told myself that success was just failure tuned inside out. I have had a lot of failures in my life and competitive career but find a way to turn it around. Just part of the journey.

Again, good luck with your journey!
 

Gman86

Member
It’s not that simple. Even though it’s out of system that fast. All the metabolites and hormones it throws out of wack still take time to rebalance. I know it’s not the end of the world but I’m telling you I have ptsd from feeling so bad for so long and actually feeling decent now.
Good point. It could take a little longer than the 2 days or so for things to rebalance and get back to baseline. Hopefully not too much longer tho if things do end up not going well on it. I totally understand the PTSD stuff tho. Now that ur feeling a bit better, u definitely want to protect that the best u can. Going back to the way u felt before, even temporarily, would be a pretty scary place I would imagine
 

FunkOdyssey

Seeker of Wisdom
@Charliebizz, I think you are a perfect example of why some may need anti-depressants. I think you may be experiencing a lot of what I have gone through over the past year or so. The best way I can describe it is “mood inappropriate”. The conditions are perfect for feeling happy, until you notice that you are not actually happy. Sunny day; at a lake; doing something fun with the family - whatever, but you don’t find the joy you recall feeling in similar situations in the past. I think when you are in this kind of place, an anti-depressant makes sense.
I think you hit the nail on the head in terms of describing the experience of anhedonia, but there is no psychiatric drug I've tried which could sustainably resolve that for me. They did have a variety of effects that you might find useful depending on your circumstances, but amplifying the experience of joy (long-term, key qualifier) was not one of them. That, combined with some research around antidepressants increasing vulnerability to repeated episodes of depression, convinced me the overall approach of trying to modify mood with psychiatric drugs is ill-advised.

Maybe I am throwing the baby out with the bath water -- I have not tried every single drug out there (just most of them), or those in development. And your experience may be different.

So far, I've had more luck adopting a philosophy for life that doesn't depend on hedonism than trying to improve my capacity for hedonism.
 
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