Total T > 1000 ng/dl (very high), Free T < 65 pg/ml (very low)

[Jerajera]

Hi,

I'm a 40yo man. I just got tested for Total and Free T.

My Total T came out at 1015 ng/dl out of a lab reference range of 45 - 975 ng/dl.
My Free T came out at 63 pg/dl out of a lab reference range of 47 - 225 pg/ml

My doc didn't want to test SHBG or Estradiol until we got Total and Free T back. The rest of my blood work is pretty much optimal; great cholesterol (high HDL, low LDL), low liver enzymes, good thyroid (average TSH), blood pressure great, Hematocrit 44%.

I don't have much energy nowadays despite having tight deadlines and strong incentives to get stuff done. Libido is still ok and my erections are very strong and last for a long time, but I'm optimizing a lot for that; I never watch porn or even masturbate and I do Kegels every day. In general though my libido is nowhere near what it used to be.
Physically I'm a decent shape but building muscle is a real challenge for me. I do pretty much everything one can do naturally to be healthy. I eat extremely healthy, don't drink or smoke, do meditation, make sure I sleep enough, lift weights and do cardio regularly, have sex a lot, etc...and the rest of my blood work reflects that.

However if I were to describe how I feel in general, I feel like shit. I feel like life is passing me by and I've lost the ability to effect change in myself and my environment. Everything feels like I'm lifting mountains to get through, and I'm doing everything out of pure discipline. Nothing really feels enjoyable. I also have massive anxiety and social anxiety in particular. It gets so bad that if I'm in a confrontation I'll start visibly shaking. I've always been like that but it's gotten worse over time.

I know many would call me crazy to consider TRT with Total T so high it's outside the reference range, which is why I come here to ask about it. From what I read, it seems Total T is completely worthless as a measurement and only Free T matters. If that's the case, then my Free T is probably at the average level for a 150yo man, which is not ok.

I'm going to go back to my doc and ask to test for SHBG and Estradiol. Is there anything else I should look into? And also what do you think about TRT with Total T so high?

 

[Systemlord]

The majority of the time when Total T result is very high, lower Free T value the SHBG is the culprit. The high SHBG can be because of genetics, environmental and starvation. Altering or controlling SHBG is no easy task and in most cases is futile.

Typically as men age SHBG increases, genetics and lifestyle factors determined by how much, also as we age the testosterone and the ratios of the bound and unbound change which isn't in our favor.

The Total T is bound to SHBG so it's unusable, it's inert so it doesn't matter if it's 2000, if the Free T is low, then you will be symptomatic. There is no way a mainstream docs would even consider prescribing TRT at these numbers.

I suggest retesting using the Equilibrium Dialysis or Ultrafiltration testing methods before making any decisions.

 

[fifty]

Direct Free T is the totally worthless test.

 

[Jerajera]

The majority of the time when Total T result is very high, lower Free T value the SHBG is the culprit. The high SHBG can be because of genetics, environmental and starvation. Altering or controlling SHBG is no easy task and in most cases is futile.

Typically as men age SHBG increases, genetics and lifestyle factors determined by how much, also as we age the testosterone and the ratios of the bound and unbound change which isn't in our favor.

The Total T is bound to SHBG so it's unusable, it's inert so it doesn't matter if it's 2000, if the Free T is low, then you will be symptomatic. There is no way a mainstream docs would even consider prescribing TRT at these numbers.

I suggest retesting using the Equilibrium Dialysis or Ultrafiltration testing methods before making any decisions.

Thanks for your quick reply. I ordered a Dialysis Free T test through discoutedlabs, I'll go ASAP to get it done.
Assuming the Dialysis test confirms this one, would you consider TRT with total T so high? Are the potential implications different from those for people with lower total T? If I decide to go on TRT, are you saying my only options are basically TRT clinics with total T so high, or should I look into potentially finding an understanding Endo/Uro? What else would you test besides free T Dialysis, SHBG and E2?

Thanks again.

 

[Gman86]

U could always go get ur SHBG tested urself through the life extension website or discounted labs. Life extension has their yearly sale going right now, so might be cheaper with them.

For me, the direct free T test has correlated perfectly with my symptoms, and isnt useless at all, imo. But everyone’s results may differed I guess. When I was 27 my total T was around 700, and free T around where urs is, maybe slightly higher, and I felt horrible. Got on HRT and felt a million times better. I’m with Defy now, and I’m almost positive they would treat u with that level of free T, and going by ur symptoms. They’re not stupid, they know the total doesn’t really matter. So if u end up deciding to want to try HRT, just call up Defy. The first 3 years of HRT sucked for me. Went to a local hormone guy, and spent a ton of money, and messed around with HCG monotherapy, Clomid monotherapy, as well as Clomid and nolvadex together. Hormones were all over the place. Then went to a local clinic in the Boston area, and had an even worse experience. Literally all they tried to do was suck as much money out of me as possible. Then I finally did my research and tried to find the best clinic in the U.S., that would treat me in Massachusetts. I ended up going with Defy, and they’ve legit been a godsend. I literally couldn’t be happier with them. I’m not affiliated with them in anyway. Just trying to help others not make the mistakes I did. If I could go back, obv I would of went straight to Defy from the beginning.

My advice is to go to the life extension website and order their total and free T test, as well as their SHBG test, If results come back with total T healthy, free T very low again, and SHBG very high, I would call up Defy, see if they’ll treat u, if yes, then just get the rest of the labs they require for an initial consult, send them a recent physical, and setup the appt for the initial consult and get things started. Life’s too short too feel like u do. When I had very low free T I felt like a shell of myself. Lost my gf at the time, didn’t want to do anything, had no motivation, just felt like I was existing, but definitely wasn’t living. It was no way to live. Just get on HRT if u need to and feel better and start living life again. Life’s way too short to live with low T symptoms, when it’s so easy to treat, imo. Like I said before, I started HRT at 27, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. I’m 33 going on 34 now. So at ur age, to me, it’s a no brainer.

 

[Jerajera]

U could always go get ur SHBG tested urself through the life extension website or discounted labs. Life extension has their yearly sale going right now, so might be cheaper with them.

For me, the direct free T test has correlated perfectly with my symptoms, and isnt useless at all, imo. But everyone’s results may differed I guess. When I was 27 my total T was around 700, and free T around where urs is, maybe slightly higher, and I felt horrible. Got on HRT and felt a million times better. I’m with Defy now, and I’m almost positive they would treat u with that level of free T, and going by ur symptoms. They’re not stupid, they know the total doesn’t really matter. So if u end up deciding to want to try HRT, just call up Defy. The first 3 years of HRT sucked for me. Went to a local hormone guy, and spent a ton of money, and messed around with HCG monotherapy, Clomid monotherapy, as well as Clomid and nolvadex together. Hormones were all over the place. Then went to a local clinic in the Boston area, and had an even worse experience. Literally all they tried to do was suck as much money out of me as possible. Then I finally did my research and tried to find the best clinic in the U.S., that would treat me in Massachusetts. I ended up going with Defy, and they’ve legit been a godsend. I literally couldn’t be happier with them. I’m not affiliated with them in anyway. Just trying to help others not make the mistakes I did. If I could go back, obv I would of went straight to Defy from the beginning.

My advice is to go to the life extension website and order their total and free T test, as well as their SHBG test, If results come back with total T healthy, free T very low again, and SHBG very high, I would call up Defy, see if they’ll treat u, if yes, then just get the rest of the labs they require for an initial consult, send them a recent physical, and setup the appt for the initial consult and get things started. Life’s too short too feel like u do. When I had very low free T I felt like a shell of myself. Lost my gf at the time, didn’t want to do anything, had no motivation, just felt like I was existing, but definitely wasn’t living. It was no way to live. Just get on HRT if u need to and feel better and start living life again. Life’s way too short to live with low T symptoms, when it’s so easy to treat, imo. Like I said before, I started HRT at 27, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. I’m 33 going on 34 now. So at ur age, to me, it’s a no brainer.

Thanks so much for the long reply, this gives me some hope knowing you had a similar hormonal profile to mine.
What you're describing is exactly the way I've been feeling since my mid-20's. I've known about TRT for a long time but always wanted to do things "naturally". It's not like I'm lazy or don't try; I do everything one can do under the sun to have a good life, drive and high energy levels, but nothing seems to really make a difference. At 40yo I truly feel as if I've been a spectator to my entire life and have completely wasted it. I've become desperate for a solution.

Can I ask you what your protocol is? Do you take an AI and if so are you worried about the long term side-effects? Do you take HCG? I've ordered more comprehensive tests (LH/FSH/E2/SHBG) and will be going back asap to get them done. Defy sounds great, I'll defintiely keep them in mind because I know I'm going to have a hard time finding someone to put me on TRT with Total T that high.

 

[fifty]

Take Gman86's full advice and you will not have a hard time finding someone to put you on TRT.

 

[Vince]

Hi,

I'm a 40yo man. I just got tested for Total and Free T.

My Total T came out at 1015 ng/dl out of a lab reference range of 45 - 975 ng/dl.
My Free T came out at 63 pg/dl out of a lab reference range of 47 - 225 pg/ml

My doc didn't want to test SHBG or Estradiol until we got Total and Free T back. The rest of my blood work is pretty much optimal; great cholesterol (high HDL, low LDL), low liver enzymes, good thyroid (average TSH), blood pressure great, Hematocrit 44%.

I don't have much energy nowadays despite having tight deadlines and strong incentives to get stuff done. Libido is still ok and my erections are very strong and last for a long time, but I'm optimizing a lot for that; I never watch porn or even masturbate and I do Kegels every day. In general though my libido is nowhere near what it used to be.
Physically I'm a decent shape but building muscle is a real challenge for me. I do pretty much everything one can do naturally to be healthy. I eat extremely healthy, don't drink or smoke, do meditation, make sure I sleep enough, lift weights and do cardio regularly, have sex a lot, etc...and the rest of my blood work reflects that.

However if I were to describe how I feel in general, I feel like shit. I feel like life is passing me by and I've lost the ability to effect change in myself and my environment. Everything feels like I'm lifting mountains to get through, and I'm doing everything out of pure discipline. Nothing really feels enjoyable. I also have massive anxiety and social anxiety in particular. It gets so bad that if I'm in a confrontation I'll start visibly shaking. I've always been like that but it's gotten worse over time.

I know many would call me crazy to consider TRT with Total T so high it's outside the reference range, which is why I come here to ask about it. From what I read, it seems Total T is completely worthless as a measurement and only Free T matters. If that's the case, then my Free T is probably at the average level for a 150yo man, which is not ok.

I'm going to go back to my doc and ask to test for SHBG and Estradiol. Is there anything else I should look into? And also what do you think about TRT with Total T so high?

I would do everything possible to avoid going on trt. Are you supplement thing with vitamin D3? If your levels are low, raising them could help lower your shbg.

 

[Vince]

How to lower your sex hormone binding globulin

This is part II of: Role of Estradiol and Sex Hormone Binding Globulin in Men HOW TO TREAT ELEVATED SHBG 1.Remove any of the agents or treat the condition, which lead to elevated SHBG. In some cases it may be difficult to identify the cause of elevated SHBG. 2.Use anti-aromatase meds such...

www.excelmale.com

 

[fifty]

Anavar will lower shbg

 

[Jerajera]

I would do everything possible to avoid going on trt. Are you supplement thing with vitamin D3? If your levels are low, raising them could help lower your shbg.

I can check my D3 levels. I live in SoCal and eat mostly fish in my diet, so I always assumed my vitamin D levels were fine, but I can get them tested also.

Why do you say you would do everything possible to avoid TRT? Do you mean in my case in particular or because of your personal experience with it?

 

[Jerajera]

How to lower your sex hormone binding globulin

This is part II of: Role of Estradiol and Sex Hormone Binding Globulin in Men HOW TO TREAT ELEVATED SHBG 1.Remove any of the agents or treat the condition, which lead to elevated SHBG. In some cases it may be difficult to identify the cause of elevated SHBG. 2.Use anti-aromatase meds such...

www.excelmale.com

Thanks for the link. Only thing I can think of in there would be high E2, which I'm getting tested very soon. Everything else I have under control. I'm lean, lots of good protein in my diet, no alcohol/smoking, Thyroid ok.
E2 would make sense. I've always been pretty emotional and have high anxiety.

 

[Vince]

With having total testosterone of 1000 something else may be causing your issues.
It’s best just to get a complete set of labs and go on from there. It could even be your thyroid, just getting a TSH is it good enough. You may as well have got a completely a Thyroid panel. Free T4, free T3, reverse T3 and both antibodies

 

[Jerajera]

With having total testosterone of 1000 something else may be causing your issues.
It’s best just to get a complete set of labs and go on from there. It could even be your thyroid, just getting a TSH is it good enough. You may as well have got a completely a Thyroid panel. Free T4, free T3, reverse T3 and both antibodies

Thank you. I just ordered a complete Thyroid panel, as well as Estradiol Sensitive, DHEA-S, PSA, LH, SHBG, IGF-1. Also DHT and Prolactin, and the better (dialysis) version of the Free T test.
I already did a CBC, CMP and Lipid Panel, and everything was good.

It's true that the discrepency between Total T and Free T seems extreme. At the same time the Free T score confirms my symptoms, but it'd be great if there were a way to free up some of that Total T other than TRT.

 

[Gman86]

Thanks so much for the long reply, this gives me some hope knowing you had a similar hormonal profile to mine.
What you're describing is exactly the way I've been feeling since my mid-20's. I've known about TRT for a long time but always wanted to do things "naturally". It's not like I'm lazy or don't try; I do everything one can do under the sun to have a good life, drive and high energy levels, but nothing seems to really make a difference. At 40yo I truly feel as if I've been a spectator to my entire life and have completely wasted it. I've become desperate for a solution.

Can I ask you what your protocol is? Do you take an AI and if so are you worried about the long term side-effects? Do you take HCG? I've ordered more comprehensive tests (LH/FSH/E2/SHBG) and will be going back asap to get them done. Defy sounds great, I'll defintiely keep them in mind because I know I'm going to have a hard time finding someone to put me on TRT with Total T that high.

My current protocol is a little unusual. I’m taking 200mg of nandrolone, 63mg of testosterone, and currently 1000iu’s of HCG. The HCG is new. Trying it to see if I can raise my E2 a bit. But the nandrolone and test doses have been my protocol for a bit now. Nandrolone used as a base is a way to keep androgens high, and control E2 without the need of an ai. But I would recommend just starting off with testosterone if u were gonna take the plunge into HRT. Before this protocol, I was doing pretty well on 180mg of testosterone cypionate, split into EOD IM injections. No HCG or ai. Whatever u do, do not use an ai. Obv opinions vary, but imo, don’t ever use an ai.

And I’ve always been just like u. I’m one of the healthiest people u’ll ever meet, and have been that way since around 13. Just always been into health and longevity. I’ve always been the one “health freak” out of all my friends and family. So I was beyond shocked to find out that out of all people, I’m the one that felt like absolute garbage at 27. My total T was good at around 600-700. My SHBG was high tho, which resulted in very low free T. I tried every supplement I could think of to lower my SHBG. Must of spent around $400-$500 over the course of months. None of the supplements budged my high SHBG. That’s when I researched local hormone specialists and started HRT with a local doctor. Long story short, at 40 I personally wouldn’t waste ur time trying to get ur SHBG down, and would just hop on HRT and get ur life back. Getting on HRT at 27 was literally one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life. No regrets. Only regret is that I wasted so much time and money with crappy doctors. Wish I would of just went with a clinic like deft from the beginning. Not sure if fertility is a concern for u or not, but I had a kid 6 months ago. So I wouldn’t worry about fertility, if that’s something that’s preventing u from making the jump. I see zero reason for u not to try HRT. I understand that trying to get to the root of the issue first sounds good on paper, but it just doesn’t work in actuality. I’ve seen people with low total T’s improve their diet and lifestyle and improve their symptoms, but in all the years I’ve been in this HRT space, I haven’t seen one guy resolve his symptoms without HRT, when high SHBG and low free T were the cause of his symptoms. Maybe u’ll be the first, but I wouldn’t bank on it lol

 

[Jerajera]

My current protocol is a little unusual. I’m taking 200mg of nandrolone, 63mg of testosterone, and currently 1000iu’s of HCG. The HCG is new. Trying it to see if I can raise my E2 a bit. But the nandrolone and test doses have been my protocol for a bit now. Nandrolone used as a base is a way to keep androgens high, and control E2 without the need of an ai. But I would recommend just starting off with testosterone if u were gonna take the plunge into HRT. Before this protocol, I was doing pretty well on 180mg of testosterone cypionate, split into EOD IM injections. No HCG or ai. Whatever u do, do not use an ai. Obv opinions vary, but imo, don’t ever use an ai.

And I’ve always been just like u. I’m one of the healthiest people u’ll ever meet, and have been that way since around 13. Just always been into health and longevity. I’ve always been the one “health freak” out of all my friends and family. So I was beyond shocked to find out that out of all people, I’m the one that felt like absolute garbage at 27. My total T was good at around 600-700. My SHBG was high tho, which resulted in very low free T. I tried every supplement I could think of to lower my SHBG. Must of spent around $400-$500 over the course of months. None of the supplements budged my high SHBG. That’s when I researched local hormone specialists and started HRT with a local doctor. Long story short, at 40 I personally wouldn’t waste ur time trying to get ur SHBG down, and would just hop on HRT and get ur life back. Getting on HRT at 27 was literally one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life. No regrets. Only regret is that I wasted so much time and money with crappy doctors. Wish I would of just went with a clinic like deft from the beginning. Not sure if fertility is a concern for u or not, but I had a kid 6 months ago. So I wouldn’t worry about fertility, if that’s something that’s preventing u from making the jump. I see zero reason for u not to try HRT. I understand that trying to get to the root of the issue first sounds good on paper, but it just doesn’t work in actuality. I’ve seen people with low total T’s improve their diet and lifestyle and improve their symptoms, but in all the years I’ve been in this HRT space, I haven’t seen one guy resolve his symptoms without HRT, when high SHBG and low free T were the cause of his symptoms. Maybe u’ll be the first, but I wouldn’t bank on it lol

I did order a lot of addtional labs in case I'm missing something big (thyroid all messed up despite average range TSH or something along those lines) and I'm going tomorrow to get blood drawn, so we'll see. But yeah, I'm not banking on being the first to solve the High Total T/Low Free T issue either haha.

Thanks for your feedback because it's definitely reassuring to see someone with a profile (on the surface at least) similar to mine (High total, Low free) have success with TRT. I feel a little less crazy for at least considering it at my Total T levels.

You say you didn't use hCG or an AI on 180mg/week, so you felt good on that dose without either? Did you experience a lot of testicular atrophy? Did your E2 take a while to stabilize?
From everything I've read, I also came to the conclusion that I would want to stay away from AI's, and I'm hoping that the similarity in our total/free ratios means I would react the same way you did and not need any.

I'm not thinking about kids now, but if I go on TRT I'll freeze my sperm in case I one day change my mind. Either way it seems TRT isn't a permanent shut down on that option for most men, so that's good. But it's definitely not what's holding me back. My concerns are just issues with long term side effects. What other hormone productions are shut down when the testes stop working? If I take hCG, what are the long term implications of that? Does TRT start losing its effectiveness eventually as you get used to it like any other drug? Will it degrade my health (heart, blood, etc...) over a long period of time despite optimal efforts to stay healthy? Things along those lines.
Of course, that kind of (over-) thinking is probably one of the reasons I should go on TRT in the first place haha. I keep going back and forth between fear of long term side-effects and fear of wasting more of my life than I already have at 40yo, where I probably only have 5-10 years of potentially good life left. I look very young and healthy for my age, but I know I have an expiration date like anyone else eventually, and I'd like to experience a good and exciting life for whatever little time is left for me to do so.

Also you might've mentioned it already or not have had that problem before TRT, but did TRT help you with anxiety, indecision, overthinking, inertia...things along those lines? Would you mind expanding on how specifically you felt better once you got on TRT (after those first 3 years when you got your protocol dialed in)?

 

[Gman86]

I did order a lot of addtional labs in case I'm missing something big (thyroid all messed up despite average range TSH or something along those lines) and I'm going tomorrow to get blood drawn, so we'll see. But yeah, I'm not banking on being the first to solve the High Total T/Low Free T issue either haha.

Thanks for your feedback because it's definitely reassuring to see someone with a profile (on the surface at least) similar to mine (High total, Low free) have success with TRT. I feel a little less crazy for at least considering it at my Total T levels.

You say you didn't use hCG or an AI on 180mg/week, so you felt good on that dose without either? Did you experience a lot of testicular atrophy? Did your E2 take a while to stabilize?
From everything I've read, I also came to the conclusion that I would want to stay away from AI's, and I'm hoping that the similarity in our total/free ratios means I would react the same way you did and not need any.

I'm not thinking about kids now, but if I go on TRT I'll freeze my sperm in case I one day change my mind. Either way it seems TRT isn't a permanent shut down on that option for most men, so that's good. But it's definitely not what's holding me back. My concerns are just issues with long term side effects. What other hormone productions are shut down when the testes stop working? If I take hCG, what are the long term implications of that? Does TRT start losing its effectiveness eventually as you get used to it like any other drug? Things along those lines.
Of course, that kind of (over-) thinking is probably one of the reasons I should go on TRT in the first place haha. I keep going back and forth between fear of long term side-effects and fear of wasting more of my life than I already have at 40yo, where I probably only have 5-10 years of potentially good life left. I look very young and healthy for my age, but I know I have an expiration date like anyone else eventually, and I'd like to experience a good and exciting life for whatever little time is left for me to do so.

Also you might've mentioned it already or not have had that problem before TRT, but did TRT help you with anxiety, indecision, overthinking, inertia...things along those lines? Would you mind expanding on how specifically you felt better once you got on TRT (after those first 3 years when you got your protocol dialed in)?

No before age 27 I felt amazing. I always felt like I had more energy and was in a better mood than most people. I figured it was due to being so healthy. Then at 27 the low T hit me like a ton of bricks. Looking back, I can see now that the year before I was having some bad days and some good days, which wasn’t normal for me. I was used to always having good days. So at the time, the low T symptoms seemed like they hit me overnight, but looking back, I can see the signs that it was slowly effecting me over the previous year as well.

I was never an anxious person or a depressed person. I would sometimes get feelings of pessimism and sadness tho. Felt a little like doom and gloom in my head. HRT has completely eliminated any negative feelings at all. I’d say the biggest benefit HRT has given me is the ability to be so positive and optimistic 24/7. Literally nothing bothers me. Confidence is definitely up. I’m super calm. Just always happy and positive. I haven’t had one pessimistic thought or feeling in years. And I used to get them some what often before HRT. Never depressed, just if things weren’t going right, it would give me a feeling of doom and gloom, is the best way I can describe it. On HRT, nothing bothers me. When things don’t go well or as planned, it doesn’t even phase me. I just continue to be positive and know things will improve.

Initially at 27 I had to go through a ton of protocols with things other than testosterone. Hcg monotherapy and Clomid mono mostly. Hcg mono gave me some of my energy back, gave me motivation again, made me want to do things again, made me more social, and helped a bunch, but was never able to control E2 on it. Then Clomid mono was a nightmare. Worst time in my entire life. Felt suicidal and majorly depressed. Then went back to HCG mono until like 30. I think that’s around when I found Defy. Maybe I was 29. They finally put me on test and things got much better. Only symptom I really had was brain fog still. That was one of my main symptoms that led me to HRT, and I still have it to this day. It’s the only symptom I haven’t been able to get rid of. Still working on it. It’s basically why I’ve tried so many different protocols while being with Defy. Ive come to realize that it’s most likely due to black mold exposure, and regardless of my hormone protocol it’s just gonna take time to heal. Seems like whatever protocol I try I always feel pretty good, just have brain fog.

Fear of shutting down, downstream pathways is definitely a valid concern. I wish there was more conclusive research done on the topic. But for me, feeling good, being able to enjoy life, being able to keep up with my job, being able to keep up with my friends and family, and being able to maintain a relationship is more important than the possibility of long term side effects of being shut down. There’s plenty of guys that have been on TRT for longer and u and me have been alive, and doing well, so I personally wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about it

 

[Jerajera]

No before age 27 I felt amazing. I always felt like I had more energy and was in a better mood than most people. I figured it was due to being so healthy. Then at 27 the low T hit me like a ton of bricks. Looking back, I can see now that the year before I was having some bad days and some good days, which wasn’t normal for me. I was used to always having good days. So at the time, the low T symptoms seemed like they hit me overnight, but looking back, I can see the signs that it was slowly effecting me over the previous year as well.

I was never an anxious person or a depressed person. I would sometimes get feelings of pessimism and sadness tho. Felt a little like doom and gloom in my head. HRT has completely eliminated any negative feelings at all. I’d say the biggest benefit HRT has given me is the ability to be so positive and optimistic 24/7. Literally nothing bothers me. Confidence is definitely up. I’m super calm. Just always happy and positive. I haven’t had one pessimistic thought or feeling in years. And I used to get them some what often before HRT. Never depressed, just if things weren’t going right, it would give me a feeling of doom and gloom, is the best way I can describe it. On HRT, nothing bothers me. When things don’t go well or as planned, it doesn’t even phase me. I just continue to be positive and know things will improve.

Initially at 27 I had to go through a ton of protocols with things other than testosterone. Hcg monotherapy and Clomid mono mostly. Hcg mono gave me some of my energy back, gave me motivation again, made me want to do things again, made me more social, and helped a bunch, but was never able to control E2 on it. Then Clomid mono was a nightmare. Worst time in my entire life. Felt suicidal and majorly depressed. Then went back to HCG mono until like 30. I think that’s around when I found Defy. Maybe I was 29. They finally put me on test and things got much better. Only symptom I really had was brain fog still. That was one of my main symptoms that led me to HRT, and I still have it to this day. It’s the only symptom I haven’t been able to get rid of. Still working on it. It’s basically why I’ve tried so many different protocols while being with Defy. Ive come to realize that it’s most likely due to black mold exposure, and regardless of my hormone protocol it’s just gonna take time to heal. Seems like whatever protocol I try I always feel pretty good, just have brain fog.

Fear of shutting down, downstream pathways is definitely a valid concern. I wish there was more conclusive research done on the topic. But for me, feeling good, being able to enjoy life, being able to keep up with my job, being able to keep up with my friends and family, and being able to maintain a relationship is more important than the possibility of long term side effects of being shut down. There’s plenty of guys that have been on TRT for longer and u and me have been alive, and doing well, so I personally wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about it

It's amazing that TRT has been able to make you feel that way; I understand the effects are different for everyone but it's exactly what I'm hoping it would do for me. What you describe until 27yo sounds very similar to what I went through except I had some anxiety on top of it, but when I was young it wasn't nearly as bad as it is now. It was most likely offset by much higher Free T levels.
I used to have a truly ridiculous amount of positive energy and mental energy in general. I was always in a good mood regardless of what happened and friends and random people I met loved being around me because I had so much energy and an insatiable thirst for life. I could stay up for literally 3 days straight and it wouldn't affect my mood in any way; I couldn't be in a bad mood if I tried to. I felt like I was constantly bursting with pure energy and could make absolutely anything happen.
The other thing is that I used to have so much initiative; every minute was an adventure, an opportunity to do something new, exciting and potentially risky but so rewarding. I've completely lost that, now I'm paralyzed by fear of everything. Sounds are too loud, there are too many people, I could hurt myself...
My best friend who's known me for 20 years is often saddened at the turn that my life took. He remembers that time and how the energy I had back then was a huge factor in how close we became, and I know he's genuinely fucked up over how much of a shell of my former self I've become.

I've been feeling like absolute shit for over a decade now, including a stint with a 3 year long suicidal depression around 34-35yo during which I got pretty close to pulling the trigger (pun intended). I've always been very stubborn and hated the idea of getting help from anything or anyone, but I think at this point I have to come to the realization that I've done about all I could naturally and I just don't want to waste any more of whatever life I have left.
I'm going to see what the more comprehensive tests bring to light, if anything, but I think I'm pretty close to pulling the trigger on TRT. I can't go on living feeling like this. I would do anything to get back even a small fraction of the energy I used to have.

Thanks for sharing this, I'm genuinely happy for you that you got that energy back.