Depressed: My Wife Does Not Accept if I Use Trimix or PT-141

[tropicaldaze1950]

Today, for whatever reason, women of all ages were smiling at me as I was shopping. At the opthalomologist the beautiful young woman at the front desk was friendlier than usual and overjoyed that I remembered her name. My wife suddenly was in an amorous mood. And there I stand with a penis that only comes to life once a day, late in the evening. I've posted many times that I can't tolerate any of the PDE-5s. Yes, my urologist has offered to prescribe PT-141 or Trimix, but my wife had told me a few years ago, when I got into bed with a rare erection, that she was finished with sex, after 30 years of her mind games and sexual ambivalence. It hurts. That's all. I'll stay on testosterone because the day is coming when she'll be in long term care due to worsening dementia and I'll have my life back. That might sound cold but it's a fact. And, by whatever means, I'll reclaim my erectile function.

 

[DixieWrecked]

I know this sounds taboo but today's super PC standards basically turn men into neglected children that are just "yes men" and walking wallets. Why not just give up on your wife for certain needs you have which you know she will not fulfill because she straight up told you. I'd even be honest with her and tell her that you are going to get satisfaction elsewhere. Despite what society tells us, its not fair to fall victim to a woman that refuses to acknowledge you have desires and needs. At the very least I'd be going to get a massage with a happy ending. From your posts it sounds like she doesn't want the responsibility of being your sexual partner but then also wants to be able to mandate you don't acquire sexual relief from anyone else.

Honest question: Why aren't you getting relief from outside your marriage?

 

[Systemlord]

my wife had told me a few years ago, when I got into bed with a rare erection, that she was finished with sex.

It would appears that your marriage is winding down to the inevitable end.

Maybe your wife could benefit from HRT.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

I know this sounds taboo but today's super PC standards basically turn men into neglected children that are just "yes men" and walking wallets. Why not just give up on your wife for certain needs you have which you know she will not fulfill because she straight up told you. I'd even be honest with her and tell her that you are going to get satisfaction elsewhere. Despite what society tells us, its not fair to fall victim to a woman that refuses to acknowledge you have desires and needs. At the very least I'd be going to get a massage with a happy ending. From your posts it sounds like she doesn't want the responsibility of being your sexual partner but then also wants to be able to mandate you don't acquire sexual relief from anyone else.

Honest question: Why aren't you getting relief from outside your marriage?

Honest answer: Since I haven't been able to work since 2009 b/c of worsening bipolar illness, the roof over my head is provided by my wife She has the money. Career federal, generous pension, investments. After I became ill and we'd argue, she'd remind me that she has the money. I've been getting a small Social Security check, starting when I qualified for disability in 2011. It's now $670 per month. An apartment costs at least $850 to $1K a month. Even renting a room would be $400-500 per mont. I spend a lot on groceries for us, gas for the cars.

Yes, I can meet women but I didn't want to find myself homeless. Maybe I've been a wuss in regards to hooking up or finding an FWB. I'll own it, though not proud of it. I've suggested opening the marriage but she's extremely insecure. Now that her health is declining from dementia, I have no time to get away.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

It would appears that your marriage is winding down to the inevitable end.

Maybe your wife could benefit from HRT.

With rapidly progressing dementia and poorly controlled diabetes, I think it's past the point of no return. My urologist wanted to place her on HRT after running labs. She declined. You can't help some people.

 

[Systemlord]

My urologist wanted to place her on HRT after running labs. She declined.

Wow, it sounds as if your wife has given up on life. So sorry!

 

[Nelson Vergel]

With rapidly progressing dementia and poorly controlled diabetes, I think it's past the point of no return. My urologist wanted to place her on HRT after running labs. She declined. You can't help some people.

There must be something that keeps you with her. Pity? Feel sorry for her?

I never believed in monogamy when my needs are not met. But I understand how some men may stay in a bad long term relationship because of kids or an ill wife. I have learned not to judge or assume everyone else has the same values or circumstances.

My best friend had a low self esteem because of a situation like yours. I encouraged him to start playing around. He reclaimed his self esteem and left his wife. He now has a great girlfriend that gives him all the sex he wants. He uses Trimix or ED drugs and she knows and loves the fact that his hard-ons are long lasting for her to have fun with.

 

[Jucaro]

Being 54 years old, it will soon be two years since I am with a woman who is 24 years younger than me.
She is a beauty of a woman, both for her face and for her body and her intelligence. She is simply the dream of any man, that has come to be fulfilled in my life after I had andropause and was on TRT. I know that her initial physical attraction to me was caused by the effect of my testosterone treatment, of which she was initially unaware, but without which she would never have looked at me at my age. At first she couldn't even guess my age.
For me, however, before being on trt there was a period when I thought that my sex life would no longer exist.
Many believe that I am a lucky guy, a privileged like few others at my age, who is even planning to father again with a very young woman, after the previous breakup of a 30-year marriage.
However, being honest, I have to say that I do not consider the breakup of a family and a marriage to be luck. I believe that the loving ties in a marriage go far beyond sex. When two people who have loved each other are aging and losing their physical and mental faculties, that love must be professed in care, dedication, understanding, affection and respect till the last day in this world.. .

 

[DixieWrecked]

Honest answer: Since I haven't been able to work since 2009 b/c of worsening bipolar illness, the roof over my head is provided by my wife She has the money. Career federal, generous pension, investments. After I became ill and we'd argue, she'd remind me that she has the money. I've been getting a small Social Security check, starting when I qualified for disability in 2011. It's now $670 per month. An apartment costs at least $850 to $1K a month. Even renting a room would be $400-500 per mont. I spend a lot on groceries for us, gas for the cars.

Yes, I can meet women but I didn't want to find myself homeless. Maybe I've been a wuss in regards to hooking up or finding an FWB. I'll own it, though not proud of it. I've suggested opening the marriage but she's extremely insecure. Now that her health is declining from dementia, I have no time to get away.

Appreciate your honesty. To utilize @readalot ladder of accountability you are on the lower rungs. You have some difficult situations but don't be a victim your circumstance. Is there anything you can do to more up the ladder? is your BPD treatable at all? Could you flirt with a woman? Any baby steps you could take to get going in a positive direction?

 

[Deleted member 43589]

Today, for whatever reason, women of all ages were smiling at me as I was shopping. At the opthalomologist the beautiful young woman at the front desk was friendlier than usual and overjoyed that I remembered her name. My wife suddenly was in an amorous mood. And there I stand with a penis that only comes to life once a day, late in the evening. I've posted many times that I can't tolerate any of the PDE-5s. Yes, my urologist has offered to prescribe PT-141 or Trimix, but my wife had told me a few years ago, when I got into bed with a rare erection, that she was finished with sex, after 30 years of her mind games and sexual ambivalence. It hurts. That's all. I'll stay on testosterone because the day is coming when she'll be in long term care due to worsening dementia and I'll have my life back. That might sound cold but it's a fact. And, by whatever means, I'll reclaim my erectile function.

I am really saddened to hear about this. Life is too short to live with the pain you are feeling. Might be time to take your life back and enjoy the rest of it. Normally I don't approve of cheating, but in this case YOU deserve to feel better about yourself. Best of luck to you!

 

[DorianGray]

With BPD it is not easy for some to manage, take charge or organize their lives in ways others do. I do understand why @tropicaldaze1950 is reluctant to shift gears at this point in his life. Without getting too heavy on the topic, what the Stones said has some merit: " You can't always get what you want, but you can get what you need."

 

[bixt]

But I understand how some men may stay in a bad long term relationship because of kids or an ill wife.

The OP is a real MAN for not abandoning his wife and sticking with her till the end. I applaud him for that.

Watch this from 2:10 , it's just a few seconds to watch.

"And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because hes a man"

 

[tareload]

He simply bears up and he does it.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

I am really saddened to hear about this. Life is too short to live with the pain you are feeling. Might be time to take your life back and enjoy the rest of it. Normally I don't approve of cheating, but in this case YOU deserve to feel better about yourself. Best of luck to you!

There must be something that keeps you with her. Pity? Feel sorry for her?

I never believed in monogamy when my needs are not met. But I understand how some men may stay in a bad long term relationship because of kids or an ill wife. I have learned not to judge or assume everyone else has the same values or circumstances.

My best friend had a low self esteem because of a situation like yours. I encouraged him to start playing around. He reclaimed his self esteem and left his wife. He now has a great girlfriend that gives him all the sex he wants. He uses Trimix or ED drugs and she knows and loves the fact that his hard-ons are long lasting for her to have fun with.

Once I could no longer work, it was, as I wrote, the inability to be self-supporting. If I left I would have been another mentally ill homeless person. What I came to realize about myself in individual therapy, separate from couples therapy, is that I'm emotionally needy; a rescuer; an empath. I was emotionally damaged decades before I met my wife. Yes, felt sorry for her; for her traumatic life, romantic break ups she told me about. I also sensed a confused and conflicted woman. Also alcoholic and sexually conflicted. I hit the jackpot with her. And being a rescuer, I was going to save her. I can't be angry at her, though I was for many years. I came to realize she is who she is. I stayed. I allowed myself to be hurt and further damaged by her. Now she's ill and entering the last act of her life.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

Appreciate your honesty. To utilize @readalot ladder of accountability you are on the lower rungs. You have some difficult situations but don't be a victim your circumstance. Is there anything you can do to more up the ladder? is your BPD treatable at all? Could you flirt with a woman? Any baby steps you could take to get going in a positive direction?

View attachment 25276

Excellent. I haven't thrown in the towel. If I did, I wouldn't be alive. As for bipolar, tried 35 medications, some of them multiple times. Einstein said,“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

I flirt with women. I make small talk. Chat on online forums; not dating sites. Mostly Reddit. The connection isn't 'dead', LOL. Nevertheless, even before my wife's health began its descent, I wasn't one to take off by myself for a few hours, other than going over to the beach. If I did, she'd be both worried and suspicious. Not blaming her for my life. "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in the stars but in ourselves."

 

[FangFang]

I think it's time to play to WIN. Get a lawyer and start building your case to take full legal control over your wife. She's already refusing medical treatments.... I think with good legal advice you can quickly build the case that she can no longer make her own decisions.

Get that done. Now it's your money. Take care of her with honor. Soon enough she will need to be in a facility, and you get to start over. This is also a good time to start making your health a priority. Get fit, get well, get ready to live.

Sorry you are experiencing this but I see you're in the power position. Start tom catting around and you can toss this thing down the drain.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

I think it's time to play to WIN. Get a lawyer and start building your case to take full legal control over your wife. She's already refusing medical treatments.... I think with good legal advice you can quickly build the case that she can no longer make her own decisions.

Get that done. Now it's your money. Take care of her with honor. Soon enough she will need to be in a facility, and you get to start over. This is also a good time to start making your health a priority. Get fit, get well, get ready to live.

Sorry you are experiencing this but I see you're in the power position. Start tom catting around and you can toss this thing down the drain.

Thank you. My wife is being evaluated at a memory clinic and decisions will be based on a medical evaluation. We also both have Durable POAs. Despite it being a dysfunctional marriage, I owe her the right to be at home until I can no longer care for her, which I sense will be 6 months to a year. Whether she would do the same for me I don't know, but I have a standard which I live by, as you say, 'Taking care of with honor.' I like that.

 

[excelnelg]

It's unfortunate for you, but aging and declining health does understandably affect someone's sexual desires. I can't blame your wife for being who she is at this stage of her life. But I do sympathize with you and understand the difficulties you're facing. Good luck to you.

 

[tropicaldaze1950]

It's unfortunate for you, but aging and declining health does understandably affect someone's sexual desires. I can't blame your wife for being who she is at this stage of her life. But I do sympathize with you and understand the difficulties you're facing. Good luck to you.

Thanks.

 

[Fernando Almaguer]

Thanks.

She sounds like a cluster B personality case. And yes your right its like the frog in boiling water. Start em off luke warm and slowly increse the temperature until he is dead in side and out. Much like the Cluster B person is. Wish you the best... it sounds like it is time to do for you what is best for you.