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Mental Health
I've been very depressed. I don't know what to do.
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<blockquote data-quote="Abonicex" data-source="post: 251920" data-attributes="member: 44686"><p>Edit: I edited the message to add my labs. Those are my last labs pre TRT. I still don't have labs post-TRT. I've only taken two shots, one of sustanon, and one of enanthate. </p><p></p><p>I was prescribed first by an urologist 1 ml of 250mg/ml sustanon every 3 weeks, then by an endocrinologist 1 ml of 250 mg/ml enanthate every 3 weeks.</p><p></p><p>I understand both of these protocols are bad, but, well, I've followed the orders. I was thinking even from before this post to take the next shot earlier. I just need it. </p><p></p><p> I definitely felt the effects very fast, one day after the shot with sustanon, prob two with enanthate. tho yeah, still far from how i was before. Sustanon honestly felt amazing, for two whole days. </p><p></p><p>---</p><p></p><p>I lost my testcles to a chemical accident.</p><p></p><p>To a dumb chemical accident.</p><p></p><p>I feel horrible since then.</p><p></p><p>I'm now on trt but I still don't see the full effects.</p><p></p><p>But I feel like crap anyway. Regardless of feeling the T or not.</p><p></p><p>I feel I've lost my manhood and have to pay a rent for being a man. I feel like a fraud and an impostor. I feel like I am not the person people think I am. and if they see the real me they don't like me, understandably. I cry very often, feel disgraced, want to stop living. I don't do anything during the day. Nothing seems relevant nor important.</p><p></p><p>I feel fake, false, ugly, and impostor, a cheater, etc.</p><p></p><p>I didn't think a lot of this gender sex stuff before. But now that I lost it, I see how much being a man was important. And i didn't realize how virile I was. Now my hair is falling from my scrotum, my beard too, i feel weak and nervous the whole time. I eat like a pig and keep gaining and gaining weight. I can't control my appetite. Before TRT i was getting anemia and couldn't sleep.</p><p></p><p>I can't relate to women nor to men. I feel so weird with both. Young women make me blush often. And I'm a grown man. It's so shameful. Men make me nervous a lot of the time too. It's so ugly and uncomfortable. I feel out of place.</p><p></p><p>I have other chronic illnesses ... and when I finally felt real improvement this happens to me. I feel so miserable. Like living a bad joke.</p><p></p><p>In a near future I'm pretty sure there won't be pharmaceuticals and it panics me what's going to happen. Where am I going to get T? I don't want to die without T. That'd be one of my few petitions.</p><p></p><p>I live in Mexico and no one is on trt here. Pharmacies just carry sustanon and enanthate of one brand, and only two of them. I feel alone. No one understands me nor will there be someone once there's no T.</p><p></p><p>It horrifies me to be dependent on a medication. It's one of the things I always wanted to avoid in my life. And here I am now in such situation.</p><p>Anyone has gone through this too? I feel alone and miserable and trapped.</p><p></p><p>Losing my testicles is like the second worst thing that has happened to me. And I know I have gone through a kind of suffering most people will never go through. Sometimes I wonder if I am cursed or if I am a great sinner.[ATTACH=full]30829[/ATTACH][ATTACH=full]30830[/ATTACH]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Abonicex, post: 251920, member: 44686"] Edit: I edited the message to add my labs. Those are my last labs pre TRT. I still don't have labs post-TRT. I've only taken two shots, one of sustanon, and one of enanthate. I was prescribed first by an urologist 1 ml of 250mg/ml sustanon every 3 weeks, then by an endocrinologist 1 ml of 250 mg/ml enanthate every 3 weeks. I understand both of these protocols are bad, but, well, I've followed the orders. I was thinking even from before this post to take the next shot earlier. I just need it. I definitely felt the effects very fast, one day after the shot with sustanon, prob two with enanthate. tho yeah, still far from how i was before. Sustanon honestly felt amazing, for two whole days. --- I lost my testcles to a chemical accident. To a dumb chemical accident. I feel horrible since then. I'm now on trt but I still don't see the full effects. But I feel like crap anyway. Regardless of feeling the T or not. I feel I've lost my manhood and have to pay a rent for being a man. I feel like a fraud and an impostor. I feel like I am not the person people think I am. and if they see the real me they don't like me, understandably. I cry very often, feel disgraced, want to stop living. I don't do anything during the day. Nothing seems relevant nor important. I feel fake, false, ugly, and impostor, a cheater, etc. I didn't think a lot of this gender sex stuff before. But now that I lost it, I see how much being a man was important. And i didn't realize how virile I was. Now my hair is falling from my scrotum, my beard too, i feel weak and nervous the whole time. I eat like a pig and keep gaining and gaining weight. I can't control my appetite. Before TRT i was getting anemia and couldn't sleep. I can't relate to women nor to men. I feel so weird with both. Young women make me blush often. And I'm a grown man. It's so shameful. Men make me nervous a lot of the time too. It's so ugly and uncomfortable. I feel out of place. I have other chronic illnesses ... and when I finally felt real improvement this happens to me. I feel so miserable. Like living a bad joke. In a near future I'm pretty sure there won't be pharmaceuticals and it panics me what's going to happen. Where am I going to get T? I don't want to die without T. That'd be one of my few petitions. I live in Mexico and no one is on trt here. Pharmacies just carry sustanon and enanthate of one brand, and only two of them. I feel alone. No one understands me nor will there be someone once there's no T. It horrifies me to be dependent on a medication. It's one of the things I always wanted to avoid in my life. And here I am now in such situation. Anyone has gone through this too? I feel alone and miserable and trapped. Losing my testicles is like the second worst thing that has happened to me. And I know I have gone through a kind of suffering most people will never go through. Sometimes I wonder if I am cursed or if I am a great sinner.[ATTACH type="full" alt="Screenshot_20230427_145347.png"]30829[/ATTACH][ATTACH type="full" alt="Screenshot_20230427_145219.png"]30830[/ATTACH] [/QUOTE]
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Mental Health
I've been very depressed. I don't know what to do.
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