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First of all, get your shit together and stop talking stupid. Nobody here is going to bother helping you figure out your protocol because they're going to be busy trying to talk you out of killing yourself. You're willing to pop sleeping pills to commit suicide but you won't consider a pde5 inhibitor? Have you tried HCG? Frequent dosing? Checked prolactin? Etc? I encourage you to seek professional help immediately, you clearly have some issues you need to resolve beyond trt.