Figured I'd update the Live Journal of Woe, if for no other reason that it gives me something to engage my mind on and is therapeutic. Monday the 9th of May marks 6 weeks since I discontinued Clomid, and today marks 6 weeks since my last dose of Anastrozole.
I now seem to be in a recurring cycle of hope/relief and dread/despair. Halfway through Friday and through the majority of Saturday I felt absolutely back to normal... I know because I was grumpy, heh. But no tension in the stomach or head, and an overarching sensation of relief, generally speaking. I had scheduled an appointment with a therapist Tuesday and was even starting to think "man I won't even need that now".
Things change, though, and the dip in cryptocurrency markets set me off last night, right before bed. (I'll take this opportunity to mention that investing in the cryptocurrency space with an anxiety disorder; temporary or not, is a very, very bad idea.) I have actually taken care to avoid watching the prices move, as I know I have not been in a state to react to them rationally, however this alert was an email notification so it caught me off guard... Now I'm wishing I had scheduled the therapist sooner :/
I actually handled it pretty well compared to how I know I would have just a week or two ago. The anxiety was still unpleasant but I was at least able to somewhat rationalize it. It's okay to be a little upset/concerned/uncomfortable about this situation. Unfortunately things started to spiral from there so it was quite an effort to try to hold those thoughts back while laying in bed trying to sleep.
I woke up still feeling somewhat uneasy but certainly better than I had in the past. I went through my daily routine (small meal, 30 minute brisk walk) in an effort to settle down but still couldn't shake it so I did finally cave and take a Lorazepam.
It seems like the more frequently I get a taste of 'normal' the less patience I have for 'anxious'. It's quite cruel, bouncing back and forth between the two. Just when you think it might finally be over and let your guard down, it comes roaring back.
Has anyone else had this experience toward the end of this detox process? Roughly one good day then one bad day, alternating, until finally the good days just stay?
