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A sad engineer trying to not be sad anymore
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<blockquote data-quote="ValkyrieXB70" data-source="post: 191225" data-attributes="member: 41461"><p>Hi everyone, a little about me before I give myself my first injections tonight! (I am nervous!) Apologies for walls of text.</p><p></p><p>Call it a feeling of "something is not quite right". I found this site maybe a couple months ago in my quest to figure out the cause of various symptoms and signs I had over the years. Back in July I completely broke down one day, with a completely depressed mood, and near nonstop crying and tears the entire morning into early afternoon. It took way too much effort to drag myself to the gym for a modest workout, after which the tears welled up some more in the shower afterwards. Depression and low mood suck. Glad I feel somewhat better now, but still existing not living.</p><p></p><p>On top of that, my focus and concentration at my design engineer position at work had all but evaporated by that point. It does not help that I don't enjoy my position much, but bills have to be paid, and my boss/the company are not bad at all! I have found it harder to even remember some co-worker's names at times and I work with them frequently. It's like my brain just pops out of gear.</p><p></p><p>In addition, I have been working with a powerlifting trainer over the last year. Even with expert coaching, 3 to 5 days a week of heavy compound lifting over 1 hr each day, and years of previous weight training experience off and on, my main lifts have progressed very slowly. This is with 6-7+ hr of sleep and 140-180 g of protein most days. See lifts at bottom of post.</p><p></p><p>Yet another symptom: poor sleep. I have been a light sleeper ever since early childhood. Always takes 1+hr to fall asleep and I get 6-7 hr typically. Sometimes much worse. Very rare to awaken refreshed. Sporadic apnea episodes that seem worse when I am at heavier bodyweight.</p><p></p><p>False start this September: I nearly signed up with a local clinic, they wanted to prescribe trt shots 1/wk, with clomid. Thanks to knowledge I gained from this site and reddit, alarms went off in my head so I hit the brakes.</p><p>LabCorp numbers from Sept 2020, taken mid afternoon:</p><p></p><p>total T: 492 (264-916 ng/dl)</p><p>free T direct: 7.5 (8.7-25.1 pg/ml)</p><p>SHBG: 56.6 (16.5-55.9 nmol/liter)</p><p>E2, Roche ECLIA: 9.8 (7.6-42.6 pg/ml) the less accurate test</p><p></p><p></p><p>Restart: I got in contact with Defy Medical early October based on research here and on Reddit. I dragged my feet for a week or two in filling out the forms, getting the sports physical, and Defy's labwork completed. With that said, speaking with Dr Saya on my initial consultation was refreshing! He explained things straightforward, and did not try to upsell me on anything, though he suggested DHEA and injectable B12 as things to consider for the future (I had mentioned my absolute disgust for the taste of B vitamin pills).</p><p></p><p>LabCorp numbers from October 2020, taken early morning, but after a 2 hr super early bike ride</p><p></p><p>total T: 442 (264-916 ng/dl)</p><p>free T direct: 9.3 (8.7-25.1 pg/ml)</p><p>SHBG: 48.7 (16.5-55.9 nmol/liter)</p><p>E2, sensitive: 18.8 (8.0-35.0 pg/ml) the more accurate test. (I am surprised the earlier test reads so much lower than this one).</p><p></p><p>t3, t4, and reverse t3 were all closer to the optimums within each reference range. When I asked Dr Saya if my thyroid was the problem he said no. More or less primary hypogonadism due to fairly high SHBG</p><p></p><p>Initial protocol per Dr Saya:</p><p>128mg/wk of t-cyp 200mg/ml in grapeseed oil. split 2x/wk shallow IM with 25g x 5/8" 1ml syringe</p><p></p><p>I hope this isn't toou</p><p></p><p>1000 iu/wk HCG. split 2x/wk subq. to backfill LH pathways. 30g x 1/2" easytouch 1ml</p><p></p><p>I plan on continued heavy weight training 3-5 days per week, cooking my own food(veggies, beef, chicken, fish, eggs, beef liver, fruits) from here on, and sleeping as best I can.</p><p></p><p>No AI prescribed for now, and I hope it can stay that way! I will be happy to post more detailed lab results within a few days, it is getting late for me now and need to take my first shots and sleep!</p><p></p><p></p><p>Specifications and dimensions:</p><p>make: homo sapien</p><p>model: male</p><p>height: 72 in</p><p>curb weight: 205 lbs</p><p>bodyfat : ~23%</p><p></p><p>current performance:</p><p>front squat: 165lb 8rm</p><p>bench: 165 lb 10rm</p><p>sumo dead: 325 lb 10rm</p><p>chinups: +25lb x 6rm, bw x 10rm</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ValkyrieXB70, post: 191225, member: 41461"] Hi everyone, a little about me before I give myself my first injections tonight! (I am nervous!) Apologies for walls of text. Call it a feeling of "something is not quite right". I found this site maybe a couple months ago in my quest to figure out the cause of various symptoms and signs I had over the years. Back in July I completely broke down one day, with a completely depressed mood, and near nonstop crying and tears the entire morning into early afternoon. It took way too much effort to drag myself to the gym for a modest workout, after which the tears welled up some more in the shower afterwards. Depression and low mood suck. Glad I feel somewhat better now, but still existing not living. On top of that, my focus and concentration at my design engineer position at work had all but evaporated by that point. It does not help that I don't enjoy my position much, but bills have to be paid, and my boss/the company are not bad at all! I have found it harder to even remember some co-worker's names at times and I work with them frequently. It's like my brain just pops out of gear. In addition, I have been working with a powerlifting trainer over the last year. Even with expert coaching, 3 to 5 days a week of heavy compound lifting over 1 hr each day, and years of previous weight training experience off and on, my main lifts have progressed very slowly. This is with 6-7+ hr of sleep and 140-180 g of protein most days. See lifts at bottom of post. Yet another symptom: poor sleep. I have been a light sleeper ever since early childhood. Always takes 1+hr to fall asleep and I get 6-7 hr typically. Sometimes much worse. Very rare to awaken refreshed. Sporadic apnea episodes that seem worse when I am at heavier bodyweight. False start this September: I nearly signed up with a local clinic, they wanted to prescribe trt shots 1/wk, with clomid. Thanks to knowledge I gained from this site and reddit, alarms went off in my head so I hit the brakes. LabCorp numbers from Sept 2020, taken mid afternoon: total T: 492 (264-916 ng/dl) free T direct: 7.5 (8.7-25.1 pg/ml) SHBG: 56.6 (16.5-55.9 nmol/liter) E2, Roche ECLIA: 9.8 (7.6-42.6 pg/ml) the less accurate test Restart: I got in contact with Defy Medical early October based on research here and on Reddit. I dragged my feet for a week or two in filling out the forms, getting the sports physical, and Defy's labwork completed. With that said, speaking with Dr Saya on my initial consultation was refreshing! He explained things straightforward, and did not try to upsell me on anything, though he suggested DHEA and injectable B12 as things to consider for the future (I had mentioned my absolute disgust for the taste of B vitamin pills). LabCorp numbers from October 2020, taken early morning, but after a 2 hr super early bike ride total T: 442 (264-916 ng/dl) free T direct: 9.3 (8.7-25.1 pg/ml) SHBG: 48.7 (16.5-55.9 nmol/liter) E2, sensitive: 18.8 (8.0-35.0 pg/ml) the more accurate test. (I am surprised the earlier test reads so much lower than this one). t3, t4, and reverse t3 were all closer to the optimums within each reference range. When I asked Dr Saya if my thyroid was the problem he said no. More or less primary hypogonadism due to fairly high SHBG Initial protocol per Dr Saya: 128mg/wk of t-cyp 200mg/ml in grapeseed oil. split 2x/wk shallow IM with 25g x 5/8" 1ml syringe I hope this isn't toou 1000 iu/wk HCG. split 2x/wk subq. to backfill LH pathways. 30g x 1/2" easytouch 1ml I plan on continued heavy weight training 3-5 days per week, cooking my own food(veggies, beef, chicken, fish, eggs, beef liver, fruits) from here on, and sleeping as best I can. No AI prescribed for now, and I hope it can stay that way! I will be happy to post more detailed lab results within a few days, it is getting late for me now and need to take my first shots and sleep! Specifications and dimensions: make: homo sapien model: male height: 72 in curb weight: 205 lbs bodyfat : ~23% current performance: front squat: 165lb 8rm bench: 165 lb 10rm sumo dead: 325 lb 10rm chinups: +25lb x 6rm, bw x 10rm [/QUOTE]
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A sad engineer trying to not be sad anymore
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