Vince
Super Moderator
What attracted you to your partner in the first place? The answer might be ability, accomplishment, or a personality characteristic such as a sense of humor. Some people would admit they were drawn to their mate through pure physical attraction, without knowing anything about the person behind the pretty face. Most people fall somewhere in between; the spark that kindled the flame was cultivated through chemistry.
But because it takes two to tango, partners must maintain a shared willingness to keep the magic alive, as well as a realistic picture of what that will involve. One way to rekindle romance is to focus on authentic admiration and appreciation, as opposed to false flattery. This is consistent with research revealing the importance of grounding romance in reality.
Will Mosier explains the road to real romance is grounded in reality. He contrasts realism with the romanticized, unrealistic images of what society portrays about what it means to be in love. He notes that this comparison creates confusion for people who don’t personally experience what they see in the movies, which can create resentment and disappointment. Mosier notes this is especially true when couples falsely believe they should always agree, or the relationship would improve if their partner would “change.”
Obviously, couples cannot possibly always agree because they are different people with different views of the world and life experiences. But with respect to the false hope of change, Mosier notes that people are unlikely to change their basic personalities; a fact he suggests might account for the success of psychotherapy. He emphasizes the importance of accepting responsibility for our own happiness, instead of believing it is contingent on falling in love.
www-psychologytoday-com.cdn.ampproject.org
But because it takes two to tango, partners must maintain a shared willingness to keep the magic alive, as well as a realistic picture of what that will involve. One way to rekindle romance is to focus on authentic admiration and appreciation, as opposed to false flattery. This is consistent with research revealing the importance of grounding romance in reality.
Will Mosier explains the road to real romance is grounded in reality. He contrasts realism with the romanticized, unrealistic images of what society portrays about what it means to be in love. He notes that this comparison creates confusion for people who don’t personally experience what they see in the movies, which can create resentment and disappointment. Mosier notes this is especially true when couples falsely believe they should always agree, or the relationship would improve if their partner would “change.”
Obviously, couples cannot possibly always agree because they are different people with different views of the world and life experiences. But with respect to the false hope of change, Mosier notes that people are unlikely to change their basic personalities; a fact he suggests might account for the success of psychotherapy. He emphasizes the importance of accepting responsibility for our own happiness, instead of believing it is contingent on falling in love.
How to Stay in Love
Keep it real, and don't expect miracles.
www-psychologytoday-com.cdn.ampproject.org
