Desperate for advice on severe prostate issues due to hormone misuse

[Blackout]

Hi,

I registered a few days ago but wasn’t able to post my case in a single message, and after several failed attempts, the system finally is telling me that a post should not exceed 10000 characters, so I had to divide it in 3 parts. Sorry for extending so much.

I just really, really, utterly beg anyone who reads this, not to be harsh with me for using hormones the way I did. I have lived my whole life with a crushed self esteem and I can't describe how ashamed I am to come here and tell what follows. After all I have endured , a snowball that began forming since my childhood, only to end this way, I really could not endure any negative critic, and that is why I provide my psychological background, because it was utter desperation that drove me to do what I did. Wish I could have grown as a normal individual and live not only as a man, but even as a human being, which my family didn't allow when I was young and physically healthy. I'm 35 now, almost 36 in a month and a half.

My main language is not English, so I may have a few errors.

Long story summarized in a few lines: I’m having prostate issues due to having used testosterone AND estradiol at the same time. Yes, just by saying that you could imagine many wrong things. Sure no intelligent man that values his manhood and above all his health would do that, but please let me explain what and why I did it. And no, I have no gender issues, it is a very different situation. I used myself as a guinea pig in a desperate attempt to reset my brain after 7-8 years of misery being chemically castrated and much more due to a SSRI and also due to my impulsiveness and ignorance back then.

I had a history of psychological abuse and neglect when I was a kid and a teenager. I grew up being too awkward with severe social anxiety, confused, and atop of that, sexually repressed in an ethernal battle between reason and instincts inside myself, very powerful instincts and sexual urges which I just had to contain or feel extreme guilt and regret.

I still am attractive despite my poor health. At 6 years of age, I turned on lots of girls around me, lots of girls who wanted to be with me and they even physically fought in front of me for my attention and company in my first school But, I never realized that I was attractive, not then, and not even as a young adult.

After my possessive and manipulative mother changed me to another school at 7 years, I never was allowed to coexist with girls ever again until when I was 17, and by that time I was far too changed, an empty , confused, lost soul who didn't know how to interact with others and wasn't able to recognize and accept my greatest desires and wishes. Similar to the tale of the ugly duckling, I was never aware that I was handsome -something that, even without girls during all those years, was proven by the fact that gay boys were always around me and I didn't recognize why, I wasn't even capable of distinguishing them, was far too innocent in many aspects-. But unlike the ugly duckling tale with a happy ending, I remained insecure forever, and didn't manage to get a girlfriend even after I began to be in contact with the opposite sex at 17 and, again, there were those girls that overtly flirted with me and I still didn't realize. I was blind, totally blinded by my psychological traumas and very low self esteem, and my toxic mother.

Over the years it became a source of depression the fact that I wished to have a girlfriend, as I began to accept that desire, that dream, although I still was more than less my own enemy by not accepting my sexual , animal part. I had lots of romantic feelings but rejected the persistent sexual thoughts, and porn and masturbation, it was my greatest pleasure turned into a perpetual suffering. And this very slowly began fading, very, VERY slowly, until in 2010 I went into my worst depressive-anxious-psychotic crisis which as I identify, it opened my eyes so abruptly and painfully that the sudden bright light burnt my vision, and so I went nuts. It was then when I declared myself lost. I was so stupid to think that, I just had 27 years, maybe a late age for starting, but still with a long way to go and enjoy life, but a massive years long depression was not something easy to cope with especially being all alone and until that time, still manipulated, taught to be like the little elephant who grew chained to a stake and feeling unable to escape even as a grown one.

A whole year later, when my depression reached its climax, I was suicidal and went on the SSRI sertraline for 8 or 9 months. And it was precisely during the last months on it that I met a girl who just a couple months later, gave me my first kiss, at the age of 28. A kiss. The thing I wished the most in my life, at least to begin with. But that kiss was totally empty. I mean, I couldn't feel it, enjoy, nothing. And when she proposed me to have sex, I didn't function, and when I managed to barely function, it was as pleasureless and emotionless and meaningless as kissing and cuddling. Her skin, it was nothing special to touch. I couldn't feel butterflies in my stomach even when I knew -at the moment- she was the one I have been waiting all my life. We were like Joel and Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but there was something very wrong with this Joel: I had developed PSSD in mid-late 2011, which I suppose some of you have heard. Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction, a syndrome much alike the better known Post Finasteride Syndrome. It is basically the same just from different causes, so you can imagine my desperation when I came to realize what had happened to me after 28 years of not being able to love or have sex or being able to date someone and enjoy. From a bad situation, I entered a worse one. I always was able to dream, to feel in love albeit in secret, to feel great attraction. I remember when I was 18, 19, 20, even 26, and I felt butterflies in my stomach due to different girls, and also I remember the mere hands touching with other girls in the past, even girls which I didn't like but they liked me, and that sensation was still beautiful and intense. And now when finally able to become engaged to someone, when finally able to accept my sexuality, I lost it all, I wasn't me anymore. When the moment came, I was out of the game, and at that time I was far from knowing that indeed it was game over.

Years passed, as I become more and more desperate due to my chemical castration -despite the flattened emotions that PSSD left me with-. It was iatrogenic depression, unable to cry anymore, even unable to feel the impulse to commit suicide, but trapped in a dead body and brain. I tried many meds and supplements, to no avail, since PSSD itself left me unable to feel the good effects of almost any substance, particuarly on dopamine.

Until two years ago, when I came to know a case where rats administered SSRIs and which developed PSSD like symptoms, were given estradiol + DHT to reverse them. And began to research and comprehend many loose pieces of my problem. Beginning with a loose and long forgotten piece of the puzzle: the fact that 3 or 4 months before starting sertraline, during my crisis, I decided to use proviron alone -mesterolone, DHT analogue- in an impulsive and psychotic attempt to 'feel like a man' as I thought back then. I did it in a futile attempt to overcome my social anxiety when I fully accepted my sexual nature in a very bad mental shape, just to be able to rebel against my old stigma and to prove myself by paying for sex. But although indeed my high sex drive increased to unimaginable levels, my social anxiety was still greater.

Back then, I didn't know anything about steroids, I had never used them, but I wanted to feel like some kind of superman, macho man, and found it easy to try proviron without doing research. Three weeks on it, and after an initial, raging surge of sex drive as never before despite my sex drive having being high, and then I was castrated as my HPTA axis crashed. Full ED, my testicles virtually disappeared and was unable to ejaculate a single drop. And then 3 months passed when I didn't do anything to recover, mainly because I wasn't illustrated -about PCTs in this case- and also because of lack of money. But when I finally was able to start a PCT, and was having recoveries, I immediately introduced sertraline, which killed me forever. I now figure that it was because the lack of estradiol in my brain since the proviron weeks. Without my own T , as I suspect, I didn't have any source to aromatize T into E2, so i probably was devoid of estrogens during at least 3 moths, and I guess that lack of E2 killed a lot of dopamine neurons, and later, the surge in serotonin due to sertraline caused a permanent, irreversible imbalance . That's the theory I developed last year. Because I was really recovering during the PCT, but sertraline prevented and reverted the recovery process. During previous years since 1999, I had rounds of SSRI or SNRI, and they really helped me a lot, and the SNRI venlafaxine even increased my already high sex drive a lot back in 2006 -when I still despised and condemned me for having high sex drive and thinking about sex.

So i became desperately interested in the experiment done in rats, and as a guinea pig, I wanted to replicate it . I was well aware -or I guessed so- of estradiol risks, say breast cancer and DVT, among others which I considered to be of less concern.

Continue…

 

[Blackout]

I began experimenting on August 1st last year. I started using estradiol patches at the lowest dose combined with one proviron pill per day. The proviron was expensive for me, so I wasn't able to increase it, moreover, the main goal was the estradiol, not the DHT. I had no access to the full experiment report, but the important substance there was estradiol, not DHT.


Two weeks on that regime, I stopped proviron but continued with E2 patches and did tests. To my surprise, estradiol was 38 pg/ml, which is basically my own normal level -which was always a bit high, I know, but that was my level even prior to my first proviron use and that slightly elevated value explains why I have had slight gyno since a teenager and why I had always been so emotional before PSSD, because my E2 was always quite high. Highly emotional as a woman, that was me until 2010, and I miss that a lot. In fact back then I told myself that I had a predominant female brain, despite my 100% heterosexual but repressed being. Now I know the reason. Many girls during my youth referred to my extreme sensitivity which together with my sex drive, I miss a lot.

Since estradiol from the patch was so 'low' for my purposes, I desperately augmented the dose 4x, and added HCG. Two weeks like that, then another two weeks, adding sustanon 250 weekly. But I didn't do any more tests during that time to check what my levels were.

While my brain fog from years began lifting while doing that -with no other benefit-, at six weeks I began having unbearable pain in my armpits. Ultrasounds showed that they were enlarged lymph nodes, but apparently no mammary growth aside from my old and very mild gyno. That was rare. I always read estradiol causing gyno, not lymph node inflammation. It scared me a lot since research on armpit lymph node inflammation always mentioned cancer -and with E2 manipulation it seemed more obvious that it was not an infection-, so I stopped at the end of the sixth week while starting tamoxifen. By the way, when I tested my hormones just after quitting and before starting Nolva, my E2 was back to my normal, around 35, but free T was 17. Not an abnormal value, but I want to point out that it was a change for me, since during previous T trials since my crash from sertraline, my free T never took off from the very bottom of range -around 4- or even below despite my low SHBG. Although the general consensus is that high E2 decreases free T, when I did the estradiol trial the opposite occured to me.

Although my lymph nodes gradually became better, there were occasional, recurrent bouts of knife cutting pain not in the armpits but in my chest/breasts, more on the left one. I preferred to wait and wait but was determined to repeat and be more careful and observant.

Meanwhile, around December, I began having pelvic floor pain, for the first time in my life. I didn't know why, and didn't research since my obsession and fear was concentrated on the breast cancer risk. Additionally, just a year earlier -well before my estradiol trial-, I had LUTS issues although there was no pain that I could remember, just a persistent need to pee and incontinence all day long, not at night.

The pelvic floor pain went away after some weeks or a couple of months. During that time I had a pair of respiratory infections for which I had to take antibiotics. Don't know if that helped to ameliorate the pain.

By March 15, with no more armpit or pelvic floor pain, I began a second trial. But this time I didn't use exogenous estradiol. I simply decided to use 200 mg of T per week in divided doses and allow it to aromatize freely. This decision was made thinking about the fact that back in February 2012, when I still didn't know about PSSD but believed that my problem was due to residual hypogonadism from my proviron misuse in late 2010, I did my first T cycle -although very weak, almost the same dose used this time which is high TRT or very low cycle, just that I injected weekly that time. During that 2012 cycle, I wasn't feeling any better, until about 2 or 3 weeks on it, one single night I woke up completely reseted, with a raging erection and skyrocketed libido, with the obvious urge to find someone to let it be. However, I went back to sleep, and by next morning, it vanished, and did forever. That was the last time in my life -February 2012, one single night- when I ever experienced libido and felt connected to my emotions after being unemotional for a whole year while on sertraline and after it.

And I guess I know why it happened. Again, back in February 2012, I almost immediately found that I was having very swollen ankles and without teste, researching found that it was caused by high E2. So I introduced arimidex. And for the next years, every time I tried T, I used arimidex again -under the wrong, plain Bro-science idea that E2 is bad and only bad for men-, and I even used it alone with HCG for a long year in 2015 and early 2016, only to discover very late that I was an overresponder to anastrozole and that I probably lived with a crashed E2 again for over a year.

During my reasearch on the E2 as a possible treatment to reverse SSRI side effects, it was then that I learned how bad for the brain is the lack of estradiol, either if you are male or female, and that in turn helped me to deduce that before sertraline, my HPTA crash due to proviron initiated my mental deterioration, and I worsened a lot by using arimidex -in what were supposed to be very low doses twice weekly- specially in 2015, which left me with severe loss of short term memory and brain fog. And as I said, the brain fog lifted while I used estradiol, and my memory although still overall bad, was a bit better, which further made my interest in estradiol grow.

Well, I began experimenting again on March 15, and over the next few weeks I started to have nocturnal erections for the first time in 8 years. Daily. I can't describe how improved I felt just by being aware during midnight that I have a full erection, every night as it should have always been. And also some random mental partial erections during the day, which were totally absent too during those 8 years. Also I began thinking about women, not sexually, but I was having interest in them for sure and fantasizing that I will get even better and for the first time would be able to live at 35 years. How far from reality since I wasn't aware I was entering an even bigger problem.


I went to do tests. My E2 was at 91 (range 11-44), my TT was at 9.4 (range 1.75-7.8), but what I didn't expect at all was to find my free T being 101.1 (range 4.45-42). I expected my E2 to be that high, but not my free T, since as I said before, my free T never responded to T injections and it was always between 3.9 and 5.3, and only when I did the estradiol patches trial it went up to about 17. But I never, never expected it to skyrocket that way and in just a month, with a T dose that barely reached a minimal cycle. It is as if estradiol managed to unlock something that was locked, or turned it on by some means. And high free T equals to high DHT, although I didn't measure it. That scared me again, and immediately found that my HDL had plummeted and my hematocrit was on the upper limit. But that was not the worse part. By the way, my armpit lymph nodes were swollen and painful again.

I began to taper and also introduced arimidex again, at minimal, really minimal doses, just a scratch of the pill. I did weekly tests to check. My T gradually came down, but my E2 became a rollercoaster since definitely I'm an overresponder among overresponders to arimidex. One day it was 3, others it was 19, 55 and 47, so for me it is extremely difficult to aim for a given level using anastrozole.

However, on the first week of May I fell severely ill due to a new gastrointestinal infection, but it was so savage that I had to do two antibiotic rounds one after another and even then I remained with severe colitis and nausea for the next several weeks. And due to that problem I decided to taper more quickly, down to a dose that more or less yielded my own suboptimal levels.

But it was too late. As my gastrointestinal issues began fading, I noticed that the pelvic pain returned with a vengeance, and steadily rising in intensity, duration -all day- and type and location of pain, varing from dull to burning to pressure and discomfort, and currently it is more inside than in the perineum region. And I also began to go to pee at night from 2 to 4 times.

And what I found researching left me scared to death, more than when I was worried due to the armpit lymph nodes last year. As I told you, I was prepared to deal with breast issues and was aware too of the thrombosis risk -for which I was taking baby aspirin daily during my experiment-. But what I didn't know at all was that E2 has a lot of adverse effects on the prostate , but worse of that, not E2 alone but E2 + T, I found to be lethal, so to speak, 100% carcinogenic in rat experiments. The reports literally said that "combined E2 + T therapy gave rise to prostate cancer in 100% of treated rats". And not only that, but the fact that by 13 weeks, all of them had prostatitis and precancerous lesions, and by 36 weeks all of them had full blown cancer. My combined trial from last year and this one was about 22 weeks of messing with my prostate, although not all the time I had high E2 and/or high T, as for example my first weeks last year, my E2 with the low dose patch was almost my own, but I fear a lot the combined effects especially after my free T -and my DHT I guess- surged the way it did in March and April.

Continue…

 

[Blackout]

I feel dead, or as if I am walking with a death sentence over me. I'm now pretty sure I have cancer or will have very soon. My poor anxiety management doesn't help to think otherwise.


I did a PSA test a month ago and it was 0.68, just as it was 6 years ago when I was much healthier at the beginning of my PSSD nightmare. And went to an urologist which performed an ultrasound at his office -which i didn't see- and told he used the terms enlarged prostate and prostatitis as the same.

A month later I went to another one as my pain and also my fears escalated, and this time he asked me to do an ultrasound on my own. And the written report told indeed that I have prostatitis AND slightly enlarged prostate -23 grams with 42x31x31 cm-, and also some calcified lesions called amyloid body calcifications. And my PSA, a month later than my previous test, was down to 0.57.

The second urologist was more open to talk with me. I was able to explain in detail what I had done and why. And he assured me that those amyloid body calfications have nothing to do with what I did, he says it is normal to develop them over the course of life. He also mentioned that the time the rats developed cancer was that fast because of their much shorter life span and metabolic processes, and also told me that we are not exactly the same as rats, genetically speaking. What can you say about the similarities or differences between rats and humans on the possible outcomes of what i did?

I'm in such fear, even when due to my PSSD I can't experience the full range of emotions. The experiments in rats mentioned that all of them developed intraductal carcinoma, and I found on my own that such kind of tumor in humans doesn't give rise to PSA.

The second urologist prescribed cialis -which I already take-, and some anticholinergic to help with nightly urge to pee but I don’t want to take it, and offered me to try finasteride or dutasteride, but for me, trying any of those two would be like taking sertraline again, or as I guess, much worse since I know very well about PFS due to my life researching about PSSD. Not only that, it scared me a lot what I found about 5a reductase inhibitors increasing the risk of high grade prostate cancer in the long term, and also increasing the risk of breast cancer, and with so much breast stimulation during these past months, I don't want to mess even more. Currently, my armpit lymph nodes are gone, but I have pain and discomfort on the left chest.

I don't know what to do. It is as if I have to choose between the fire or the boiling oil.

Can anyone give me any advice on my current condition, an opinion on the E2´+T being 100% carcinogenic in rats or in humans, or what do to next? By the way, I'm down to full hypogonadism with a TT of 2.9 and a E2 of 35. Although my T is now low, my current T/E2 ratio is too bad for the prostate anyway, but now I'm afraid to use low-normal doses of T despite the fact that the urologist told me that I may take it if in 6 months I don't have anything else. Because he told me that I must check my PSA and do a new ultrasound every 6 months at least for 3 years.

Yes I'm an idiot, I know, but no one who is not in my place could possibly imagine what does it feel to be in the body and mind of a male who when younger was prohibited to enjoy life, to enjoy the company of girls, their body -or my own body and sensations, to begin with-, their smile, their voice, their everything, just to open my eyes and fall to an apparently neverending abyss, whose real end now appears to be this, prostate cancer. I am still attractive, I hate not having being aware of that 20, even 10 years ago, but even if I had been aware, I was so repressed. My facial features are those of an alpha male -with the plus of a still dense mane of wavy hair despite my age and despite my stupid experiments, since i didn't suffer from hair loss while doing them-. And to think that I may be only left for the scrapper at 35 years without having a single taste of life.

By the way I'm currently remembering how different women approached me between 2014 and 2016, their intentions crystal clear, only to be treated like damaged merchandise when I openly confessed that I was unable to love or to have sex. Again, this misery is what drove me to do this bad use of hormones. Do you know or remember ‘Interview with the Vampire’? The vampire child Claudia? I feel so identified with her: she, a female adult mind and feelings trapped inside the useless body of a small child –even younger in the novel-, knowing that she will live forever unable to feel how does it feel to be in the body of an adult, developed woman, not being able to blend in society and many more effects. I feel the same while being the opposite: a man who reached his twenties with his mind more like that of a conflicted boy, unable to enjoy the prime of his life –even his teenage years- and now in my mid thirties, sentenced to accept that I was born to be castrated first psychologically, then chemically, a whole life unable to feel alive. That’s why I used estradiol. Utter desperation.

Yesterday I went to an endocrinologist, but she transferred me immeadiately to the psychiatrist, which in turn wants me to be again on SSRI and antipsychotic. I'm tired of never being understood, of never being heard in the first place, since no one recognizes SSRIs as a cause of permanent sexual dysfunction or flattened emotions. And from my experience, I'm quite certain that SSRIs should not be prescribed to people with hormone imbalances, but psychiatrists never do any kind of lab test prior to prescribing.

Please, I beg you for some advice and to be respectful as I asked at the beginning.

I know I have some questions, but can't remember every one right now.

1) What do you think about taking finasteride or dutasteride? If I decide to do it, could it help me to try to counter their sides if i do low normal TRT? By the way, my short term memory is even slightly better than it was half a year ago and I don’t want to go back to the severe cognitive impairment I was dealing with. And regarding breast cancer risk, could it help if I use raloxifene too? THis las question , I have my doubts, since from what I understand, finasteride breast cancer risk is due to low DHT, more than to high E2. I have been having left breast pain since quitting my last experiment, and a new ultrasound doesn't show anything of relevance save for the slightly, very sllightly bigger gyno.

2) On the other hand, I have found several reports telling that some SERMs had potential to induce apoptosis of the prostate overgrowth, yet I don't find that they are used for that purpose. I don't understand. I would be tempted to try, but I know that everytime I try something I end up far worse than before. What if I use raloxifene for the breast issues, but in the last place, it ends up damaging my prostate even more?

3) Do you think as my second urologist said, that because 100% of treated rats developed cancer, it doesn't mean that the same would apply to humans? I should mention that out of curiosity, I found that E2 doesn't induce the same rates of mammary cancer in rats, it appears that the incidence is much, much lower, but for the prostate, E2+T seems to be assured death at least in rats.

I recognize how stupid I may seem when I tell the doctors that I tried to replicate rat experiments -E2+DHT for SSRI side effects- due to my desperation of being chemically castrated for 7-8 years, and since PSSD is not even recognized, I'm just seen as a psychotic, delusional idiot.

There are more questions, but I can't remember them. If I do, I will post them.

I should mention some other things before ending this post: I have been dealing with chronic inflammation since early 2016, which I believe has its origin in my gut. And I didn’t take into account that E2 promotes even more inflammation. I have still a colonoscopy waiting for me. It’s really so hard to accept that my life could be over at just 36 without a single taste of life itself.

Thank you for your time and patience for reading.

 

[Blackhawk]

Would it be possible for you to write a brief summary of the prostate symptoms and changes in PSA?

As one who suffers from some OCD hypochondria to another, regarding the purpose of your post asking for thoughts about the prostate, the detailed history of every aspect of your hormone treatments depression etc are too distracting from the main point. I can not follow the entirety of what you have written to extract the pertinent info about your prostate. Please summarize:

-Prostate symptoms
-DRE findings
-PSA and other relevant labs specifically related to prostate.

And just one general comment: You have been through a lot, and understandably have a lot of worry over everything in your history. Unfortunately, you have a gloom and doom outlook. Slow down man. You have whipped yourself into an unnecessary frenzy.

Just because there is are studies about Estrogen and Testosterone provoking cancer in rats does not mean you have been exposed to similar doses/levels, nor that any resulting cancerous cells in you will result in full blown prostate cancer. This is not to rule out anything, it is just that you have not received any cancer diagnosis, but you seem so freaked out sure that you have cancer. How about putting the brakes on your emotional response?

Cancer is a complicated thing. Everyone as they age end up having mutated cells, including cells with cancer mutations. That does not mean every cell becomes a malignancy. For the most part those cells are short lived and just die off, sometimes aided by our immune system.

I am in the midst of a prostate scare myself, with PSA having peaked at 7.2, it has since declined. It also seems due to timing that it was/is hormone related. I have been reducing Testosterone dosage to bring down hematocrit and E2, and I have applied some self treatment with supplements and diet changes. I don't know whether these things helped, but at least PSA is decreasing.

 

[Vince Carter]

Can you summarize that down to a paragraph or two, my attention span is never going to work with a huge wall of text; your life story.

 

[user_joe]

I made it through most of this. Wow, you are worked up. Not seeing things for what they are. Hormones are not all of your problems or the silver bullet. They can benefit you a lot, but you’ve got to see the world for what it is and not be worked up over everything. It’s possible nothing is wrong with. Seriously. It’s the hell you are putting your mind through.

 

[Blackout]

Thank you very much for your replies. Sorry for having extended so much. Seriosly I am so anxious and feel so like an inferior being, that I even had fear to read any replies until now. I should summarize what Blackhawk is asking for.


I had no DRE. The two urologists I visited didn't consider it necessary, I don't know why.
My total PSA was 0.68 a month or a month and a half ago and it is down to 0.57 a week ago.
Free PSA was 0.16 (range 0.03-0.934) when I first tested total PSA, but the second urologist said that this fraction is not necessary to test at this time.

My fear with the PSA and all the things I did is that some cancers do not increase it.

The ultrasound report tells that the prostate weighs about 23 grams and measures 42x31x31 cm. And it has some lesions that they call amyloid body calcifications.

Regarding my symptoms, at this point, it is an all day long pressure inside my low abdomen, an a dull pain that at times burns that is mainly concentrated to the left side and radiates to the left side of the groin to where the leg begins. I do not have pain when I ejaculate, in contrast to the pain I felt around December, which was more centered in the pelvic floor. Other than that, it is my anxiety, that sensations don't help it. I take clonazepam, but makes me to sleepy, but with half a pill I don't wake up at night to go to the bathroom. If I don't take enough, I will go between 2 to 4 times.

I know that everyone will develop mutations along the way. What I really can't cope is the possibility to die with a life that was so absolutely empty, from start to end, and just by one single mistake in 2010 which itself propagated one after another.

My E2 experiments at least made something good to happen , or it would be good if not for the prostate issues, although I don't understand how did it happen: the fact that my free T was always unable to increase beyond 5.5 even with T injections in the past. But the estradiol did something and now it seems that I can have a more ideal value if I wished or if it is not that bad for my prostate.

Having it slightly enlarged -aside from the inflammation- would that mean that TRT at low doses would be totally contraindicated? The second urologist considered TRT an option after all, but I didn't understand if that would be only if I accept taking finasteride, which i would not like, but given the risky things I did, I don't know if that it my only option now. Any advice on taking or not finasteride, given what I did and considering that I have lived already physically and emotionally castrated due to my bad experience with sertraline?

Thank you.

 

[Blackout]

Blackhawk, sorry to hear you too are now in the midst of a scary moment regarding the prostate. Hope the best as you say that your PSA is decreasing. May I ask what your age is? And do you have any prostatitis, pain or some diagnosis of a benign condition?

Now that I ask, I recall that I don't understand why if I have both prostatitis and hyperplasia, my PSA is low and just the same as 6 years ago.

 

[user_joe]

I skimmed, bust basically you have some pain, but you do not have prostate cancer. Go see an additional urologist. Let him assess. Go on TRT if you have the symptoms and numbers to justify it.

Be patient and try to calm yourself. Stop worrying about rushing things. You need to work on your mental state more than anything. I’ll bet it all comes together once that is taken care of.

 

[Blackout]

user_joe, it is very difficult for me not to worry. Too much influence on that is my empty story. I really don't care much if I die in about 15 years, I will have no reason to stay at around 50 years and completely alone as I am, but before 40, I still would like to fight for the impossible. Regarding my mental state, I will not touch ever again a SSRI or an antipsychotic, and as a side note, since I developed PSSD, I'm completely immune to almost any kind of antidepressive, antipsychotic, stimulant, just receptive to their side effects, more in the case of antipsychotics, which even the milder ones just give me extreme extrapyramidal symptoms.

Pain has also been on the rise in the suprapubic region, intense burning, at times more notorious than the pain in the pelvic area.

I also mentioned in my initial posts that I still have left breast pain, it is persistent but not as intense as the abdominal one, and asked if taking either raloxifene or tamoxifen for the overstimulated breast at this point could have any bad or not so bad effect on the prostate.

My other question was too if I dare to take finasteride as suggested by the second urologist, in that case is it right to take a SERM to prevent the breast from the local finasteride side effects since my breast is already well overstimulated?

 

[user_joe]

user_joe, it is very difficult for me not to worry. Too much influence on that is my empty story. I really don't care much if I die in about 15 years, I will have no reason to stay at around 50 years and completely alone as I am, but before 40, I still would like to fight for the impossible. Regarding my mental state, I will not touch ever again a SSRI or an antipsychotic, and as a side note, since I developed PSSD, I'm completely immune to almost any kind of antidepressive, antipsychotic, stimulant, just receptive to their side effects, more in the case of antipsychotics, which even the milder ones just give me extreme extrapyramidal symptoms.

Pain has also been on the rise in the suprapubic region, intense burning, at times more notorious than the pain in the pelvic area.

I also mentioned in my initial posts that I still have left breast pain, it is persistent but not as intense as the abdominal one, and asked if taking either raloxifene or tamoxifen for the overstimulated breast at this point could have any bad or not so bad effect on the prostate.

My other question was too if I dare to take finasteride as suggested by the second urologist, in that case is it right to take a SERM to prevent the breast from the local finasteride side effects since my breast is already well overstimulated?

You are aware that your mental state is not Normal, ok, or justified, right? All that worrying and thinking will take its toll on your body mentally AND physically.

You aren’t special. You aren’t immune to any drugs. Your body and mind are very similar to everyone else. You need some therapy man. Seek it out. You don’t have to take drugs if you don’t want to. If a therapist isn’t working for you just find another one. Gain some self confidence and learn to be happy. Hope you take this advice.

 

[Blackhawk]

Blackhawk, sorry to hear you too are now in the midst of a scary moment regarding the prostate. Hope the best as you say that your PSA is decreasing. May I ask what your age is? And do you have any prostatitis, pain or some diagnosis of a benign condition?

Now that I ask, I recall that I don't understand why if I have both prostatitis and hyperplasia, my PSA is low and just the same as 6 years ago.

You can read my case on my thread Blackhawk's journey with TRT.

59, Yes; symptomatic. No actual definitive diagnosis, just ambiguous "prostatitis" with elevated PSA. Ongoing monitoring PSA with Free PSA%. Last test 3.0 and 33% free. Down from a high of 7.2

I think you have primarily made it up in your head. You have been diagnosed with calcium deposits. That is not cancer. You have no actual indicators of prostate cancer. Your symptoms may or may not be directly related to you prostate, even if they are there are still no indicators it is cancer. I think your mind and your body would benefit from detaching from your paranoia however you can achieve that... counseling, therapy etc.

There is newer information for prostatitis symptoms due to non specific cause successfully treated with mindfulness, also physical therapy exercises, yoga relaxation etc. I'll look up an article I read last week about it and post it here...

Edit: here' a link: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-44910438

 

[OMI100]

You have some significant issues to deal with.
I hope you can get them resolved.
Have you ever had a complete thyroid workup?
Go here and read a bit:
www.tiredthyroid.com
Look at the list of labs that need to be ran and understand the difference between "Being within range" and "Being at optimal levels".

 

[madman]

Thank you very much for your replies. Sorry for having extended so much. Seriosly I am so anxious and feel so like an inferior being, that I even had fear to read any replies until now. I should summarize what Blackhawk is asking for.



I had no DRE. The two urologists I visited didn't consider it necessary, I don't know why.
My total PSA was 0.68 a month or a month and a half ago and it is down to 0.57 a week ago.
Free PSA was 0.16 (range 0.03-0.934) when I first tested total PSA, but the second urologist said that this fraction is not necessary to test at this time.

My fear with the PSA and all the things I did is that some cancers do not increase it.

The ultrasound report tells that the prostate weighs about 23 grams and measures 42x31x31 cm. And it has some lesions that they call amyloid body calcifications.

Regarding my symptoms, at this point, it is an all day long pressure inside my low abdomen, an a dull pain that at times burns that is mainly concentrated to the left side and radiates to the left side of the groin to where the leg begins. I do not have pain when I ejaculate, in contrast to the pain I felt around December, which was more centered in the pelvic floor. Other than that, it is my anxiety, that sensations don't help it. I take clonazepam, but makes me to sleepy, but with half a pill I don't wake up at night to go to the bathroom. If I don't take enough, I will go between 2 to 4 times.

I know that everyone will develop mutations along the way. What I really can't cope is the possibility to die with a life that was so absolutely empty, from start to end, and just by one single mistake in 2010 which itself propagated one after another.

My E2 experiments at least made something good to happen , or it would be good if not for the prostate issues, although I don't understand how did it happen: the fact that my free T was always unable to increase beyond 5.5 even with T injections in the past. But the estradiol did something and now it seems that I can have a more ideal value if I wished or if it is not that bad for my prostate.

Having it slightly enlarged -aside from the inflammation- would that mean that TRT at low doses would be totally contraindicated? The second urologist considered TRT an option after all, but I didn't understand if that would be only if I accept taking finasteride, which i would not like, but given the risky things I did, I don't know if that it my only option now. Any advice on taking or not finasteride, given what I did and considering that I have lived already physically and emotionally castrated due to my bad experience with sertraline?

Thank you.

 

[madman]

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